Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1882 — What the Funny Fellows Bay. [ARTICLE]

What the Funny Fellows Bay.

An honest man is the noblest pursuit of woman.—San Francisco Wasp. Did it ever oocur to to you that a swan’s up side Is never down?—Boston Times. “What a lovely vase! Antique?” “No, modern.” “What a pity; it is so pretty.”—Quiz. The best description we have ever heard of a slow man was That he was too slow to get out of his own way.— Lowell Courier. Upon what grounds would ypu feel disposed to eat up one of your most intimate friends if ne sat down the break fast with you? Upon the grounds of Ids being a pal at table morsel.— Judy. “Put him iu the calendar.”—lnspector—“Who is the Patron Saint of Eng-. land?” Boy—“ St. George.” Inspector. “The Patron Saint of Scotland ?” Boy—“ St. Andrew.” Inspector—“Or Ireland?” Boy—“ Mr. Gladstone.” [Good-boy! So he is.]— Judy. Epitaph said to be copied from a tombstone in the cemetery of Montmartre: “Here lies Joseph X., who for twenty years after the death of his wife lived iu the society of his mother-in-law, and died in the certain hope of a better world beyond.”—From the French. *«. Atopper—Small yet energetic snip—■ “Cheviot suit, sir.” (Measures him Besult—6 feet 2 inches, 40 inches round the chest.) “Nothing quite your size, sir, ’moug the readies; but will you please to step up to our designing department, aud see our head architect?” —Judy. What miserably-useless, unnecessary questions folks ask ’ Said a south end ladM: “My husband aocidently stepped his bare foot on a hot poker this morning.” And a neigbor propounded the query: “Did he swear?”—Boston Post. “Yes,” he said to his confidential friend, “I am engaged to her, and I suppose I ought to bs very happy: but, somehow I am worried about a former attachment of hers. There’s that infer nal blackguard, Jones, who—” “Why, bless my soul: you stupid fellow, she bates him like poison.” “Yes, yes, I know—that’s what troubles me She hates him too bitterly not to have loved him once.”—San Francisco Wasp.