Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 20, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 February 1882 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

They were twins. The parents ohristend one Kate and the other DupliKate. Why do girls kiss each other, while boys do not? Because girls have toothing better to kiss, aud the boys have. “Horse racing.” says a Western preacher, “is an ulcer.”No, sir, you are mistaken; it is simply a runaround. A gentleman recently asked a mite of a girl how old she was. * Old!” excliamed the child, lifting her eyebrows in surprise, “Old !Pm not old at all. I’m quite new. Grandma is old.” “Ish tbis’er postoffloe? inquired Cauliflower, slightly disfigured after nineteen rounds of'sour mash. No, this is a butcher shop,” replied the sarcastic mailing clerk, licking a one cent stamp. “Sho! Ish that sho! Well give me a tender line for my nauzzer.” Music teacher—“Oh, yes, Miss Clotilda likes playing tunes well enough, but she shudders at ,the very mention of the scales.” I tot I red eJeesemonger’s wife (loftily)—“I should' hope so, indeed! You’ll bear In mind, sir, that we have nothing to do with business now.” “Pray excuse me,” said a well-dres-sed young to a young lady in the second tier of boxes at the Theater; “I wish to go out and get some refreshments—don’t leave your seat.” A sailor seated in the box near with his sweetheart, and disposed to do the same thing, arose and said: “Harkee, Poll I’m going ashore to w’et my whistle—don’t fall overboard while I’m gone.” “Wanted—A plain cook,” rends an advertisment. Wonder whose wife put I that in the paper ? A story is told of a member oi a cer- [ tain theological seminary who was so \ sensitive as to suspicion of plugiari*ni ! that he never allowedjiimself to nuke i the slightest quotation without giving l his authority. On one occasion he commenced grace at breakfast thus;! “Lord, we thank Thee that we I ave awakened from the sleep which » wn t er in the Edinburg Review has called the image gt death.” (

“And will you be able so civ* up ; these frequent nights at your whiei club for the sake of your ducky? Eh! dear?” He—“ Give them up, my angel? What would 1 not give up to gain you?” She—“Y’ou mean that, really ?” He—“ Really!” She—“ Then I’ll tell you what, dear. When we are married we will put ‘no cards’ after the announcement in the papers, so as to let your whist-playing friends know what to expect. Some visitors were going through a great house recently, aud at length paused before A fine painting representing a handsome black-bearded man clad in gorgeous attire. One of them inquired of their guide whose portrait it might be? “Well, sir,” replied tbe housekeeper, “I don’t rightly know; but I believe it is the Dowager Venus!” “But” said the visitor, “I scarcely think that tbe Dowager Venus would be represented with a beard. Perhaps you will be good enough tolook in the catalogue?” She did so, and the Dowager Venus proved to be the doge of Venice. This man is a Seoul Teacher. He iu going to Sit Down in the Chair. There is a bent pin in tbe chair, aud* it will Bite tbe School teacher. Tbe School Teacher is a Able Man, and be will find it out as soon as rhe Bent Pm Tackles him. Will the School Teacher rise again? We should smile. Put the School Teacher will not smile. Ito wilf Play a Sonata with the Ferule on the Boys Back. The Boy put the Bent Pin in the Chair. He is trying to he a Humorist. When the School Teacher gets Through with him the Buy will eat his meals from the Man tie-Piece for a Week.—Denver Tribune Primer.