Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1882 — Jordan Items. [ARTICLE]

Jordan Items.

PedagoiF 1 ® No. of Jordan township, has taken unto himself a wife, the two first letters of his name is Chas. Hoover, and the Ineky lady is the, daughter of Mr. George Thompsbn, of Carpenter township. •- •• Mr. Benjamin MoCart, whom ire reported recovering from serious illness is said to be worse. Mrs. James Whiting, is reported seriously ill. Our friend, Mr. James Bullis; thinks he has the boss team of Jordan township. You bet its a good one.

Mr. B. C. McCoy has moved to Howard county. Our people are very much excitover the small pox. A fatal case is reported from Goodland. We were pleased to learn through The Republican, that Mr. Mason Long, the reformed drunkard and gambler, delivered a series of lectures, to the good people of Rensselaer, and that they were well re ceived. Should like to have heard him ourselves. We hope he infused some life into the temperance organization at Rensselaer. We should regret very much if the animals or monkeys, as the common expression goes, did not receive attention. We infer from the free use of the phrase of monkeys, or monkeying around, etc., by some of the leading news papers and business' men and the boys generally through the country, that the evolution theory is pretty generally accepted, and in the future we may, when speaking of our fellow names, alude to them as monkeys. Now we understand the monkey race is in different stages of development. The chimpanzee natural history informs us, is in the highest state of development ' from the fact of his having his caudal appendage detached, while th# next lowest in order is the monkey with the caudal appendage attached; or, as he is more commonly called, ring-tailed monkey. Now Jordan township, has a few of the ring-tailed species, while they abound plentifully all over the country, and in our villages, who may be readily recognized from the rest of humanity by their frequent visits to the gin mills. The superiority of Mr. Chimpanzee, he with the caudal appendage detached, the proprietor of the aforesaid mill may be readily recognized by his stylish dress, with beautiful white linen shirt front,studd d with costly gems, and his beautiful, cleanly white hands, with head partly bald or not bald as the case may be, everything beautiful, white and cleanly, excepting his poor little selfish soul within, beyond description. He sits or stands at his ease among his bottles of drugs, or behind his bar, with gallons of liquid damnation?"' When presently, Mr. Ringtail drops in perhaps with mill flour on his clothes, or covered with mud find hay seed, in his unkempt hair,’ or he may possess the air of a disciple of Black-

stone, or as is frequently the case, have M. D. placed after' his name, and appear rather genteel. He with the caudal appendage detached, amiles and bows low and politely jnqures of Mr. Ringtail if there is anything he desires; the answer is yes, a little medicine, with a wink, he pays his money and departs, and in time returns, once twice, perhaps thrice, and from the effects of his frequent visits he suddenly drops from monkeydom —down-to donkeydom; then while making desperate to maintain his equilibrium,thrpws his long ears forward and attempts'to look wise, or brays loud and long. We have no desire to follow this subject much farther; if we had, we should soon learn that he with the caudal appendage detached is living in luxury and splendor, at the expense of the ringtail monkey and his poor. neglected and shabby family, if he should have one, if not at the expense of the ringtail himfelf as his shabby appearance attests. There iwanother animal belonging to our picture which 'we had nearly over looked. We are at a loss to know by what name to to call him, he seems to occupy the position* between the two. We are not, sura but the wise men would call I the connecting link. He may be readily recognized standing on the street corners watching the, gpoor fellows in the state of donkey i

dom. He learns the size of his pile andfhortly induces him, to stake the same on a game of chance when, presto, change the connecting link, finishes the poor ringtail arid the scene closes. J. Ladies can find a superior article of writing paper and envelopes together with fine grades of box paper, at the post-office news stand.