Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 January 1882 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

“ What is this talk about Queen Victoria wishing to marry the Princess Beatrice to some distinguished American ? My address is Gramercy Square, New York.”—B. J. Tilden. The Boston Advertiser gives this as anew college joke: Professor says. “Time is money :how do you prove it?” Student says, “Well, if you give twen-ty-five cents couple of tramps,that is a quarter to two.” Wigglesworth met Kelly on the -street this morning. “I notice that Colonel Buck is dead.” said Kelly. “I want to know,” exclaimed Wiggleeworth, “did he leave any money?” “Oh, yes.” “How much?” “AU he had.” - Two little girls, aged four and six, had just had new dresses, and were on their way to Sunday School. Said Etta, the elder: "Oh, I have forgotten my verse.” “I haven’t forgotten poipe,” replied the other; “it is, Blessed are the dressmakers.” For the new primer: Here is another young man. What has the young man in his hand? The young man has in his hand a marriaee license. Has the young man plenty of money? No, the young man nas not plenty of money. What will the young man do? He will board with his mother-in-law. An Austin clergyman, whose name * we suppress on account of his sacred calling, absorbed in thought a few Sundays ago, Just before divine service began, when he was approched by tbe organist, who asked, referring to the opening hymn: "Whatshalll play?” “What kind of a hand have you got?’ responded the absent-minded clergyman. Mr. Marrowfat was relating to his wife at the breakfast table the story of a friend who, in a critical situation, .had escaped by the skin of his teeth. The circumstance that anybody should have skin'pn his teeth struck little Miltiades as so very remarkable that he glanced up with the utmost innocence, and asked: “Pa, was that before he was weaned?” This is a good little boy. It is Christmas Eve, and he has crawled under tiie bed. What is he doing there? He is watching for Santa Claus. He expects to be filled with toys and candies. Does he want the toys and candies? No; only he wants to know whether his parents has been ying to him. This boy will grow up to be a political reformer. Translated from the Omnibus: In the Garden street met themselves two friendesses who one another for a long time had not seen, and it ensued the following dialogue: “Good day, Marie, how goes it to thee, then? Let me thee get one time onlook. O. Lordy! Hay, once, thou Las now a husband 1” “Yes. it’s so; but whence knew you that?” “Why, thou hast a scar over thy whole face?” “Oh, that was merely a joke!”

The Rector—A gentleman I - know slightly is coming down from London, Farmer Groggins. Do you think you could board and lodge him for a while? Farmer Groggins—Oh, yes sir. The Rector—l believe you will find him to bean immensely studious and a deeply religious young man, Farmer Groggins—in which case, begging your pardon, sur, I expex my money in advance.— One afternoon a stranger, observing a stream of people entering a church, approached a man of gloomy aspect who was standing near the entrance and said, “Is this funeral?” “Funeral no,” was the sepulchral answer, “it a weddin.” “Excuse me,” added the stranger,“butfl thought from your looks that you might be a hired mourner.” “No,” returned the man, with a weary far-off look la his eyes, “I’m a son-in-law of the bride’s mother,” Monsieur X.“ I discovered one curious gustom in your countree, madame!” Madame—“ What is that, monsieur?” X.—“lteeszls: Ven a young ladee she get—vat you call it—married, she bag tier, game, I tink I bear you say.” Madame—“We sometimes so remark, monsieur.” Y—. “And ven a young ladee she tell a young man she no has heem, you say she gees him de Sack?” Madame—“ Quite true, monsieur.” X. —Now, madame, when I read in ze die —in ze dieshun—ze vat you call eet? —I find ze sack and ze bag are ze same ting. So, madame, I find me dat it is ze gustom in zis country ven a young ladee she vih marry sLe put ze young man in ze bag; ana ven the ladee she vill not marry she make of ze bag a present to ze young man. Zis is one curious gustom I find in yoUr countree, madame, and it mooch interests me.”