Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 December 1881 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

Educifibfltfl :A ten*housaud-dol-lar education on a five dollar bov.fis money thrown away. If a two-wheeled vehiele is a bicycle, and. a three-wheakxLa tnewefc*. jfedoes hot follow that the one-wheeled is an icicle. yjy jay An Irishman Who was' about to fight a duel, insisted he should stand six to,hipq,.as h,e,sva3 f near i When thfe Alika! physician' placed his door-plate in pawn he was to remark: “Had I pledge, I 'Would not now nave so pledge my sign.” Q At JLI AH 2 71A M It works Uyiyi ways;, jEVjgg fays to love your as yourself is a good rule; huT one slinutUaTsoToye his neighbor’s neighbor: Edgar ilifiSß.-ha is his neighbor’s neighbor-. - —. “la it true,'!:.' sheo writes,? “that all funny men are sad?”. you. Annie, no; they are the people who read their fhhny pieces, Annie, they are sad. their’s is the sorrow that mocks at sympathy. A society itemV “Mary" bring 'Mrs. Smith a glass of wine. f&xifc-Mary). You must be so tired (Mary brings it). Not that way, my -child. You should always bring it on a plate or a salver. (Exit Mary). She is very willing, but really she knows so little.” Mary, re-entering With the wine in a soup plate.: “Slafcit I bring a snoon, ma’am or wiU the lady kip it up?” 'i-J - ■ J » J Here we have an Oyster. It is going to a Church Fair, When it gets to the Fair it will Swim around in a big Kettle of Warm Water. A lady will. Stir it with a Spoon, and Sell. the Water for Two Bits a, pint. Then the Oyster will move on. to the next Fair. In this Way the Oyster .will .visit all the Church Fairs in town,, -and Bring a great many DoUars into the Treasury. The Oyster goes a great Way in a Good Cause. “Those rubber garments are sxgjh a blessing!” remarked a fat man, as he brought into a street car a v pet(ect diluge of water. The lady at his right, who mopped one side of his coat with her costly dress, agreed witir him*perfectly ; the man at his Left, whp caught about a pint of the drippings'in his shoe, could scarcely conceal his admiration’; while the young miss to whom the fat man gallantly .offered his seat a few minutes latter, we^tiin 4 *) perfect ec3tacies as she sat dowh'in a pool of water left on the car sadt^

Here we Have an Album. It is Full of Pictures for Little 'jChiUlren ,wiih Dirty Fingers to Look. at. Hej:e,are two Pictures of Papa. Tflis is one df Him before he was Married- JUx Mamma. He looks like a Two-year-ol Uolt behind a Band v -©f Music. • • HCpeJ is a Picture of Papa after he Married Mamma. Now he Lobks like? 0 ’ Govern- | ment Mule hauling a Lqad of Pig Iron. See if you Can put your finger on the Nose and the Eyes and the- Mouth of Each Picture. Turn down a leaf when you Come to a Pretty Picture you Like. The Baby is bating Bread aud Moiasses. Let him Take ithe* Album and Lobk at the Pictures, too-. - 1 The train had run Into s'«Qbw fdtift and the engine was butting its head in vain agaiDst a six-Aet? D'lirk. “For once the iron horpe to be beaten,” remarked fl fat Vdman in a second class carriage. You shotrtdtPlfcall • itran iron horse,” mildly remarked a solemn faced mac. “Why not?i.’ asked the fat woman in some surprise, “Because it’s block tin,” softly murmured the solemn faced 'man,-as he gazed out of the window and across the wintry waste- with a4*r-»way look in his eye. We don’t want a Three Spring girl for a lung tester.- At a simtiug school up there the other night a youngtman was bragging about the'strength of his lungs, and invited, a girl hi company to it him iu the breast. She said she was left handed, fh*d. been washing that day, was tired/ ana did * not feel very active, but bis’ifr&eiit request let go at him. /When .his friends went to pick him up he eiid he thought he would die easier . lying down. He had lost all recollfecfidn of having any lungs, but the youngfwoman consoled him by admitting that she didn’t hit him a 3 hard as she” might have done; because; she rather liked him. •< • '