Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 December 1881 — Patti. [ARTICLE]

Patti.

Miss Patty is small for her size, but as the man sed about his wife, 0 Lord! Sheis well bilt. & her copiplexion is what might be called Broonelty. Her ize is a dark bay, the lashes being long & silky. When she smiles the aujience feels like axing her to doo it sum moor, and continuer doin’ it 2 a indefinite extent. Her waste is one of the most beautiful wastes I ever seen. When Mister Strackhorse let her out, I thawt some pretty skool gal, who had just graduatid from pantalets & wire hoops was a cumin’ out tu read her fust composishun in public. She cum so bashful like, with her head bowd down and made such a effort to arrange her lips so thayed look prety that I wanted to swaller her. She reminded me of Susan Skinner who’d never kiss the boys at parin bees until the candles was blowed out. Miss Patty sung suthin or ruther in a furren tung. I'don’t know what the sentiment was. Fur awt I know she may have been denouncing my wax figgers and .-sagshus wild beasts of Pray, and I don’t much keer es she did. When she opened her mouth a army of martingales, boboliuks, kanarys, swallers, mockin’ birds, etsettery, bust 4th and flew all over the hall. Go it little 1, sez Ito myself, in a highly exsited frame of mind, & es that kount or royal duke which you’ll be pretty apt to mary lof these dase dont do the fair thing bv ye. you kin always have a • home on A. Ward’s tarmf, near Raldinsville,lnjiany. When she sung Cupoip threw the Rye, & spoke of that Swayne she dearly luved herself, individually,' I don’t wish I was that air Bwayne. No,I guess not. Oh, certainly not. This is Ironical, j don’t meau this. It’s a way I hav of goakin. r Artemus Ward.;