Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 1 December 1881 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

Fall many a youth. too frosto, alas, to last. Has ventured to the gay lee-cream saloon, And wore. In dull December blast. The pale gray raiment that be wore to Jane. „ Bald a goaty old Bari of Baeelenob . . • - ; Who wore a large No. IS sheuch—- •* Taint pretty I know, Bnt be bold my big toe! What more conid a poor fellow deanhf” There was a y .tng fellow .named Hughes, Who bad a bad fit of the blughes, He tore ont bis eyes,' And ate seven plea, And danced IUI he wore ont his shughes. A needy young bam named Vaughn, Once said, “My clothes I most paughn.” But out of the lot _ Not one cent he got, . So he blew ont bis brains on the langhu. Murder on the high Cis a common occurrence among a certain class of soprano singers. By a mother-in-law: “You can deceive your guileless little .wife, young man, but her father’s wife—never.” A man who was asked why husbands quit courting their wives, said it was because other men did it so much nicer. It is terribly hard for a bachelor member of the Hay Fever Association to get married. No woman likes to be sneezed at. In reply to the question, “Will the coming man be bald?” the Norristown Herald affirms that “he generally Is when he first comes.” / A Harlem man whose wife presented him with twins thoughtfully remarked : “Well, well; I should smile to utter; that is a little too two.” Chicago girls like to speculate In stooks and generally favor a rising market. An aesthetic belle, on being asked how she felt, replied: “Bully.” They asked him if he was the best man at the wedding. “No,” he said; “I don’t know as I was the best, but, bejabers, I was as good as aoy of ’em.” A correspondent wants to know why a night watchman at a hotel is paid more than the cashier. Perhaps one of his duties is to watch the cashier. “Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn the other to him also,” is a biblical expression. In modern parlance it is termed “a reversible cuff.”

To preserve a litWe joke, put it in an almanac, or rent it out by the year to circus clowns and negro minstrels. In this way specimens have been kept for fifteen or twenty years. A darkey philosopher says: “I has noticed dat all great men retains in arter life de early impressions of childhood. Dis scar heali is whar my farder hit me wid a sarssfras stick.” A lady friend asks why a man uses profane language when he hurts himself. That’s easy enough. When he cuts his finger for instance, he naturally tries to dam the flow of blood. “No ma,” said a Harlem maiden, “I don’t like Charley Jouea coming every night. But I don’t want to tell him so yet. * He is bo fat and heavy that by 'placing my autumn leaves on his chair I am getting them nicely pressed. “Is there any opening here for an intellectual writer,” asked a seedy,rednosed individual of an editor. “Yes, my friend,” replied the man of quills. “A considerate Carpenter, foreseeing your visit, left an opening for you. Turn the knob to the right.”

“I’ve written a new play,” said an (esthetic young Philadelphian last week, addressing a young lady noted for her wit and beauty. "Indeed, what is the title?” she asked. “Before the Dawn,” said he. “Keep it dark,” was the witty and crushing rejoinder. A Western Coroner’s Jury returned a verdict that the deceased came to his death from exposure. “What do you mean by that?” asked a relative of the dead man. “There are two bullet holes in his skull.” “Just so,” replied the Coroner, “he died from exposure to bullets.” It was Sunday night in Leadville. Six rough miners were playing poker. But as the clock struck the hour of 12, proclaiming that the JLord’s de had come, with one accord they turew down the cards and left the taloon. They went ae - ss the street to see a dog fight. •