Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 November 1881 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

Some niggers’ honesty 1s reggerlated mos’ly by de spunk ob de yard dorg. Make an oat of this, said the hen to her brood, as they gathered in their lit--tie crops. “Excuse the liberty I taket” as the convict said when he escaped from the State prison. One hair in the hash will cause more hard feeling than seven mottoes on the wall can overcome. The new style in fall bonnets may be photographed by slamming a ripe tomato against a board fence. He was from the mountain side, and was buying hi? first glass of soda. “1 wish you’d skim off that skum, boss; 1 ain’t "paying for no froth, you bet.” Some men are born great, some achieve greatness,and some sell whisky at ten cents a glass that would make charcoal of the inside of a stone statue.

There is more heat In ten cents worth of mustard, than there is in a dollar’s worth of coal. But you must put the mustard on your bosom, not in the stove. “Aesthetic Maiden:” What is bric-a-brac? Well, it is anything in the crockery line that is absolutely useless, set upon the mantle where it will be in the way. * ’ . Stocking is the name of a Presbyterian minister at Grand Rapids, but some of the ladies of the congregation .are so modest that they always address him as Mr. Hose. A four-year old child, who, while visiting saw bellows used to blow an open fire, informed her mother that “they shovel wind into the fire down to Aunt Augusta’s.” An Irish gentleman having a small picture room, several persons desired o see it at the same time. “Faith, gentlemen,” said he “if you all go iu it will not hold you.” < Economy is wealth. A Philadelphia lady who found a baby in a basket on her door-step took the infant to the Station House, but saved the basket to carry horns her marketing.

“What a splendid speaker Elder Longphiz is,” remarked Mrs. Pringle. “Don’t you think he is a very pious man, Mr. Fogg?” “Yes,” replied Fogg, “very pious—copious, in fact.’’ A Georgia woman is losing the power of speech through indulgence in canned fruits. Now you know .what to think of a man who is going home with a lot of canned fruit under his arm. < y Terribly sarcastic father: “Now. I must bid you good night, Mr. John, for I have an engagement. ,But, say, why don’t you stop and take breakfast with us some morning? You always go away an hour or two before it is ready.” “I’ll go If I see fit!” was the exclamation of Mrs. Tweezers, as her husband demurred at her attending a ball; “I’ll go if I see fit” “Very well, then, you’ll see fits if you go!’ r was the crusty reply. A Buffalo paper lately gave a pathetic description of the suicide of a woman, in which it is told that “she eqded her virtuous life in the cool retreat afforded by a convenient and umbrageous well.”