Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 4, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 October 1881 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

There wm a young fellow named Tanner Tried to Addle the StatrSpanglod Banner With a wood-saw apon ▲ males tall. He has gone Where they never play tones in that manner. When eata ran home, and night has come. And all is still around the house; When the voice of the dog is dumb. And nsnght is heard save a mouse. And naught is hoard save a mouse; One cat doth rive the other fits, , As on the wall be sits and tpils. Some weary sleeper apes the latch, And thinks to chase these cats awa His bodljaek he doth qnickly catch, And Dwiugeth it to give it play. And swingeth It to give it play; y He hopes to give that Thom** fits. And hit him whore he sit* and spits. The most thoughtful man has been discovered in New Jersey. Jnstbefore he died he said to the 'undertaker: “When you put me on ice do not waste auy on my feet They have already been frozen.” r 1 tr A slight shock of an earthquake is reporter to have been felt at Greenwich New Brunswick. When St Louis girls away from home are going to play skip-the-rope they should notify *tha community, and not have reports of earthquake shocks telegraphed all over the country, “I do believe, Mr. Heffelepiu,” said his wife, “that you mean to kill me with your everlasting conundrums. Why is a feline sitting up straight like Niagara? You knew I couklen’t guess it.” “Well, I tell you,” rejoined HefTelspln “‘Because it is a cat erect.” Mrs Heffelspih pulled down* her spectacles and started for the broom v but HefSel- ' spin had business down town just then.

The son of an old Frenchman married without his father’s consent, and and without a penny to bless himself with. After a brief honeymoon he returned to his lather’s house, when the old gentleman addressed him in the following terms: “Auguste, you read your Bible; ze Bible say ahaau shall leave his father and his mothet and cleave unto his vise. Now you go and cleave unto your vise.” Aud he clove. Out of the omnibus: - He—"(Jxosithunder weather! If yet one time, when I a fresh-washed shirt ondraw, a button thereon be could! I might out of rage everything tear !” She (herself in the the reading of a new romance interrupting.)—“But, Tobias, I comprehend thee not, thou art a grown,understanding man, and make such a upraising therefor, that one pair small buttons are wanting! See'the children on—there is the whole shirt torn and they say no word. Two commercial agents met at the depot with their grips, when one said, “Hello, John, where have you been?” John said that he had been laying oft, but now he had an interest in the business, and was going on the road again. The friend cJlfgratulated him on having gained the proud position of partner iu one of the the largest houses in Milwaukee, which was making money handover nst, when iJohn broke in by saying: “No lam not a partner, but.the old man told me that if I didn’t take more interest in the business, ho would bounce me, so I have concluded to take an interest in it hereafter. Good-day. * The following is told of James R. Randall, the scholarly editor of the Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle and Constitutionalist. He attended preaching at a colored church iu the country, and had in his pocket a silver half dollar, just tbe ticket fare back to Augusta. At the conclusion of his sermon tho minister ordered a collection for his own benefit. “Of course,” said lie “I ,spects every pusson to give somethin’; but I’se told dat Mr. Thomas up do lane yander had some turkeys stole Friday night. I don’t want any man who hadA han’ instealiu’ dein turkeys to put any money in de hat.” When the hat reached Randall, not a man had denied, and the preacher’s eyes were on him. His half-dollar went into the hat.”