Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 September 1881 — Brevity is the Soul of Wit. [ARTICLE]

Brevity is the Soul of Wit.

The following amusing story which was told by Franklin, ought to be read and acted upon by all correspondents communicating their thoughts to the newspaper press: A young man on commencing (business, proposed to paint over his shop window, “John Thompson, hatter,makes and sells hats for ready money,” to which was added the sign of a hat. One friend suggested that, as he made, and sold hats, the word “hatter” was unnecessary. It was, therefore struck out and the sign remained, ‘ John Thompson, makes and sells hats for ready money.” Another friend advised him to othit the phrase “for ready money,” as them 'would occur occasions for selling on credit; and so the sign read: “John Thompson makes and sells lists.’ It was then hinted that the buyer of the hat did not care who made it, and that tbe sign would be better if it rea: “John Thompson sells hats.” But anothet- amputation was in s tore still, lor a critic-pointed-out the uselessness of the phtaae-‘lsellsLhata,l’ .tor, *aid he no ope would, ever, suppose that the. tb be given awayfor nothing. Thus, st .last this aspiring tradesman commenced business, like many worthy successors, under’the-modest sign of “John Thompson.”

JOCOSITIES. 4 . r “Go dip the bounding ocean dry. ' Unset the mountain with a match, Kick o er the beaming stars on high, Or nickle from a miser snatch; Herd cattle with a tiny mouse. From whisky wean a cow boy true, The Klim of heaven with spittle douse,! But never doubt my love for you!'* “X have been talking with thy sire Mary mine! >. Mary mine! And I simply did inquire If he would! Mary mine! When it kinder raised bls ire And be got as mad as Are, ’ And said he'd kick me higher, Than the M. E. church spire, < () Mary mine! Mary mine! If I ever did aspire, To thy hand, Mary mine 4 The evening star its vesper lamp Above the west had lit, The dusky curtains of the night Were following over it. i * He seised her waist and clasped her hand And told her tale of love; He called her evry tender name, “My darling,” “dnek,” and /dove," A tremor shook henfairy form, Hereyes began to bliiia; » Her pulse rose to a hundred, and r She cried: “I think—l think—” . • ■ He sighed: “You think you love met” for His soul was on the rack. i | *■ “Qh, no I” she said, “1 think a bug , Is crawling down my back!” It is estimated of the oldest Mason • that if he was laid end to end he would / reach around the State. . , 1 • An Arkarusas man rode 300 miles to shoot the chsp who cheated his father in a horse trade. Filial affection can never die in this country. People will make mistakes. . When Mr. Green’s son was bitten by a dog, Old Mrs. Winter raised both hands and exclaimed: “Now, he’ll have the dydostatios sure.” Home of the girls of the period ffre parting their hair on one side. They do this because they do not wish to look like the soft young men who part their hair in the middle. Fortune quickly acquired is like a pair of ready-made pauts. First thing you know you have to go home from a party wearing nothing but a Prince Albert coat and an umbrella. - _ Irate sportsman: “Confound it! you’ve shot the dog! I thought you told me you could hold a gun?” Patr “Shure, and so I can, your honor. Its ; the shot, sor, I couldn’t hold!” “Niece (after a header)—*Oh, aunt, you’re not coming in with your spec- ». taeles on? Aunt Clarissa (who is not used to bathe in the ‘open’)—‘Ay dear, I positively won’t take off anything more; I’m’determined!’.’

Jane Hwisshelm has become a convert to Ingersollism, and has just made a five-column address, pitching into. St. Paul. Those of us who bpd ex-’, pected to meet Jane in the good tirne coming are likely to have a warm trio in hunting her jtp. A man who lives in one of the tend- J tories, and is discreet to live so- far away, sends the following alleged conundrum: “What is the difference between laudanum and Abraham of bld? One is the juice of the poppy, and the other is the poppy of the Jews.” There is a young ladv in Keokuk, la., who is six feet four inches tall, and she is engaged to be married. The man who won her did it in these' words: “Thy beauty sets my Soul aglow—l’d wed thee right or wrong; man wants but little here below, but wants that little —long.” A Kansas paper tells about a man who got his leg ’caught in machinery, and grasping the belt in his hands, held it against a twenty-horse-power engine until help arrived. Afterwards it states that this man was a giant in strength, which will tend to correct the impression that he was in the last stages of consumption. Two darkies were returning at dusk from ploughing, each sitting carelessly on his horse. One of them began: “Take good, fat possom—pahbile him —put him in ole fashion’ Dutch oven —sahve him up wid coon gravy.” The water was running out of the corner of the other darkey’s * moth. He could stand it no longer, and broke out with: “You shut up, you sweet nlggah; I’ll fall right off’n dis horse.”