Rensselaer Republican, Volume 14, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 September 1881 — The Science of Kissing. [ARTICLE]

The Science of Kissing.

Science in tbe last few years has gained a terrible foothold in this world. It has rattled the dry bones of old fogyism, made pi out ot worn-out theories, upset ideas which have been established for centuries. The latest and most astonishing fact that has been developed is that there is a scientific mode of kissing. The day when a young man could grab a girl around the neek and gobble a kiss in a rough but comfortaole man ler is past. Thd time when he could encircle her waist with one arm, get his shirt bosom full of hair oil, and piourette his lips over every s juare inch of her countenance is no more. Science has proclaimed against it. and man shudders and remains silent. The old style of kissing, which sounds like some one tearing a clapboard off a smoke-house, is now considered bad taste, and, consequently, is rapidly going out of fashion, although the majority of girls admit that science has cruelly destroyed all the comfort of a long-lingering, heartthrilling kiss, and causes them to express no little regret at the change. The improved scientific method of kissing is to throw tbe right arm languidly around the fair one’s shoulder, tilt her chin up with the left hand until her nose is pointed at an angle of forty five degrees, or rather until it has an aspect resembling the bowsprit of a clipper-built sloop, then stoop slowly, andj grazing about her lips in a quiet, subdued sort pf a way, tickle her nose with vour moustache until she cries, “Ouch!” This is scientific kissing,but there is no consolation in-iL It is flat, lukewarm; it lacks substance, and if not stale, is at least unprofitable.