Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 46, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 4 August 1881 — JOCOSITIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSITIES.

(Hi muh me! mash.me! a tatar cried. While a beet blushed through and through Aa It felt Its being Incorporate With the soul of an Irish stew. Bat the scallion fiercely scrubbed his pot, And the dish washer moodily washed. And nanght was heard by the kitchen fire Save the rone of a oorned beef hash. There is a young girt In Passaic Who eats two much padding and calc; When some musical wight Serenades her at night She shouts “Go ahead; I’m swale!" Even if a boy 1b whistling "I want to be an angel,’’ it is better to keep the oookies on the top shelf, and put the step-ladder in the garret. It takes eight hundred foil Mown roses to make a Jablespoonfol of perfume, while ten oents worth of cooked onions will scent a whole neighborhood. When the baby Prinoess of Spain grows up and finds out how mad everybody was about it she won’t feel flattered. The nearest she can oome to it Is to wear a Derby hat and bang her hair.

An eesthetio person in Boston says pink and white glass makes a more attractive luncheon than silver or decorated porcelain. In Chicago the main thing Is to have the liver and baconwell done and the files dredged out of the butter. The winds were whispering low and the sentinel stars had set their watoh In the sky as she leaned from her chamber window and tenderly asked: "Is that you, Henry?” "Coursh’tiz; pretty ’oman dozzen know *er own husband when eh’ seezlmj” 1 ( ’ If you want to study the immense variety of the human faoe in expression you should bend your gaze upon the mobile countenance of a deaf and , dumb man when he reachesvunder the plank walk for a lost nickle and picks up a raw bumble bee by the stem.

"How beautiful is the language o flowers,” exclaimed Miss Poaigush; "which is your favorite flower Mr. Smart?” Graham,” said Smart sententiouslv. Mis Possigush thinks there~are some persons without a particle of sentiment in their souls. . "Going away this summer?”queriedf a bootblack of a fellow-mortal at the Post Office, "Nawl” "Well, you needn’t be so short about-it.” "Maybe I needn’t, but the idea opimr going ofl to Saratogy when we can’t raise $lO to j?et dad out of the work-house does us injustice as a family.”

A Brooklyn man, who belongs to Rev. Mr. ’s church, -announced to a choice circle of friends the other evening that he had discovered another comet. He said: "Ishawtwocomehstellyou; d’shinklmadamfool?” The Rev. Mr. is out of town on his aunual summer jamboree. Snipkins refused to get his wife a new bonnet; soon after his little girl came in and said: "Mamma, won’t you buy me a monkey to play with when you go down town?” “No, my darlinck-waiT'tli 1 you are older, and then marly one, as I did, replied the grief-striken wife, her tears bursting forth afresh. "Who-is the pretty girl with blonde hair find deep blue eves, there in the jaunty hat?” asked Alfred, at the lawn mrty. "Who?” replied Annie, "that affy-haired girl with tallow eyes, and that nightmare of bluo rags on her head? I never saw her before; nobody we want to know.” That, bretheni, is the way different people look at a pretty girl in a pretty hat. "Mother,” asked Mary Jane at the breakfast, table, Monday morning., "don’t you think that gray hair is awul becoming?” Mary Jane, it shouldbe remarked, has a beau whose locks are silver. "Yes, I do,’’' replied her toother, grabbing at something 0,1 Mari’ Jane’s shdulder, “yes, I ‘kink it becoming too common. ' Chat makes the tenth one this morning.” holding it up between her thumb and finger. A dry goods plerk, who had a most outlandish way of walking, bad to go to a distant part of the store to find some goods which a party of feminine customers desired to see. "Walk this way, ladies,” he called as he swung himself off. "But can’t walk that way,” cried a pert miss: "we never learned that style, you know.” The clerk is now drilling his tibia in the motions of a new gait.