Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 July 1881 — JOCOSIIES. [ARTICLE]

JOCOSIIES.

“Mustard yellow” is the latest smart thing in colors. You cannot cultivate a man's acquaintance by oontinually harrowing his foldings. The average woman Is composed of 843 bones, 168 muscles, 82 old newspapers, and 810 hairpins. If a woman should change her sex what would be her religion? She would he a he then, of course. Unanimously expelled: Why is Oolong like a deed sure thing? Because it is a curtain tea. (Applause, and arias of s ‘pat »im out.”) A roans girl who lived up in Beolne, Got married when only sixteen, And her lint rhubarb pie Caused her husband to die, , For the rhubarb she used was too grino.

Poor Le Due! Now that his head Is off, let us remember that he was the man who spent three years in trying to give this oountry a strawberry which should work on hinges. It Is said, by some one who knows, that it is perfectly natural that physicians should have a horror of the sea, because they are more likely than any other body of men to sea sickness. From the baioony of the new Grand Hotel, Catßkill, you can see, so they say,six states,nine;territoriee,ten rivers four lakes, a clothes-line with clothes on it nine miles away, a dog and two oows.

A certain Chinaman gave a dinner party. The viands were not to his aste. He rose from the table, asked to be exoused for a few moments and left the room with the remark: “Much lickee wife.” This was not In China. “Yea, your Augustus is a fraud!” Said Sue to Arabella. “Afraud!” said Belle,**! can’t afford To hear that of my feller! He’s true and tried and good beelde And delicate and dainty—” “Ah yes! bat tben,”Mlss Sue replied, “He’s sort of beau-Gas, ain’t net’’ Mrs. Agassiz found, one morning, in one of her Blippers, a oold little slimy snake, one of six sent the day before to her scientific spouse, and carefully set aside by him for safety under the bed. She screamed, “There is a snake in my sipperl” The savant leaped from his couch, crying: “A snake! Good heavens, where are the other five?”

Irritated mamma —“No,Ut does not fit as though he had been born in it—it does not fit at all, and I shall expect the monev hack.” Mr. Moses—“ But, s’help me’ ” Irritated mamma—“Your advertisements say: ‘Money returned if not approved.' ” Mr.Mosdb —vgo they do, ma tear so they do; but your money was approved ;it was very goot money.” “You make me think,” John Williams said, dropping upon a sofa beside a pretty girl last Sunday evening, “of a bank whereon the wild thyme grows.” “Do I?” she mnrmured; “it is so nice! but that is pa’s step in the hail, and unless you can drop out of the front window before I cease speaking, you’ll have a little wild time with him my own, for he loves you not” His descent was rapid. - —*