Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 24, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 March 1881 — A Scene in Congress. [ARTICLE]

A Scene in Congress.

Bob Burdette talks thus: My son, it may be that, as you grow older, you will oe seized with an ambition to serve your country in the halls of congress. To this end you should begin now to acquire that polish and easy elegance of language which will enable you to shine in debate. Read the daily papers, and thus familiarize yourseif witn the language and manners of the American legislator. Cut out the official report of the great financial debate between Mr. Cleaver and Mr. Snark, that it may be to you a text-book upon monetary matters. Mr. Cleaver. In presenting this bill for the issue of 400*000,000 copper dollars per diem, Mr. Speaker, I am moved to say— Mr. Snark. The honorable gentleman is a dirty liar, and dassen’t take it up. Air. Cleaver. Sir, Mr. Speaker, if the honorable gentleman doesn’t take that back in two shakes of a sheep’s tail, I will kick the everlasting stuffing out of him. * The Speaker. The gentlemen must be careful, in the beat of debate, not to overstep the bounds of courtesy and parliamentary usages. Mr. Snark. The gentleman is a lopeared son of a gun from Hoe county, and can’t lick one side of me.

Mr. Cleaver. Will the gentleman step out from behind the desk and put up nis manleys? Dance to me, you sucker, I only weigh a pound. ■ Mr. Snark. I’ll slap your nasty mouth, you venomous old beast. Mr. Cleaver. Aw —w, shut up, skinny; what are you givin’ us? Mr. Groans, of Texas. Black his eye! Hit him in the mouth! Other gentlemen from various states. Smear him one! Send him one on the paste horn for luck! Smack him in the snoot! Mr. Can Handle (the speaker), mildly. The gentlemeu will please within the bounds of parliamentary courtesy. Mr. Cleaver (jumping up in the air and cracking his heels together). Whoop! I kin chaw up and carry out any son of a thief between Chicago and Cairo! If you don’t believe it, smell of my boots! Mr. Snark. Hold me down, somebody! I’m the had man from the river district, and I eat raw buffalo! Where do you want me to hit first? And just here the police, on their way to close a disorderly house 4n the neighborhood, stepped in and closed the debate.

From this page of congressional history, my son, you can see how to direct your reading in order to acquire a sufficient knowledge of financial matters to participate in a debate on the funding bill. It may be a grand thing to go to congress. 1 won’t discourage you, my dear boy, if your ambition leans in that direction. Still, so long as you have an alternative open, so long as you can get a steady situation as- chambermaid in a livery stable or clerk on a rait, I wouldn’t advise you to set your heart on Congress. The American people really do not have much respect for congress as a body. They are always glad when it adjourns. Individually, the members of congress are, I believe, good citizens, good neighbors and good men. But for a lot of good raw material, my boy, they can make the meanest aggregate when tliey get together. Don’t worry about going to congress, Telemachus. Go to the mines or ioin the minstrels. Your parents will think more of you.