Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 January 1881 — KOMIC KUTTINGS. [ARTICLE]

KOMIC KUTTINGS.

The plumber finds great solace In his pipe—water pipe. A tramp’s motto—“A little earning is a dangerous thing.” The man who makes light of everything is not necessarily very brilliant himself. “How did you enjoy Christmas?” writes a little girl, adding, “Our turkey was a goose.” The Signal Service always tells a young man when it is time to take his ulster out of pawn. You can always tell when a reporter is going to make a point by the way he sharpens his pencil. mA boy can pull four {times more weight in boys on-a sled than he can coal from the back yard. The London Law Journal advertises a “Law Coach.” We suppose this has something to do with conveyancing. ( • ’Philadelphia girls are quick travelers. One of them who went sleighing the other night made twelve miles in one lap. Yawcob Strause. Never try to go to sleep with an old coat for a pillow. There is no such a thing as getting a a knap on it. It is best for a man who is thrown over a horse’s head to acknowledge the power behind the thrown,, and there drop the subject. A little beggar-girl in New York got hold of the wrong paper, which certifies that “the bearer is a widow with five children, in destitute circumstances.” ■A refl-headed man recently attended a niusqurade wrapped from his bead to his heels in a brown Cloth and with his head bare. He represented a light* ed cigar. ■A London cabman called out after a smart, dapper little gentleman who affects particularly large hats, “Come out of that hat, will yer ? 1 knows yer in it,’ cos I sees yer feet. A Georgia boy, who wrote to Santa Claus for a pony, was wise enough to add; “I’oscript. If he Is a mule, Pies ti his behine legs.” They know what a mule is in Georgia. t

A young lawyer wished to cite an authority on a case he was conducting, ami not being able to remember it his opponent wittily remarked, “Though lost to cite, to memory dear.” A Boston minister concludes his sermon as follows: “But I heur the .rustling silks in the pews as if some of the ladies were impatient to leave; I will therefore say, God bless you.” Perry Martin, of Arizona, climbed a tree to shake down a coon. Just how he felt when he found the coon to be a liearwiil never be known as bruin cuffed him off the limb, and he had a fall of fifty feet Jones slipped down by the aid of a banana skin, and as he rose from the •ice, and snow he sank “Thank my stars I do not live in a tropical country where the ice would be covered with banana skins.” The difference between having a tooth properly drawn by a professional surgeon, and having it knocked out niiscelaneously by a fall upon the pavement, is only a slight verbal distinction—one is dental, and the other aeei* dental. The Empress of Austria has invented a riding habit which does not cover the,feet,” Claims it as her invention, eh? Why hang it, circus ladies have had such costumes for years. Cover their feet! Not by a good sight. S Professor Preyer, of Jena, > who has taken to the psychological study of babies, says he sets down in writing every sound uttered by a child during its first two years. e should like to see the manuscript whenever the Professor has written what a baby remarks when a pin has given it a deep dig. i ’ H “Now we settled!” exclaimed the happy, new little , wife; “if we only had a cow, Harry, we could have a nice soft bed.” “Cow?” asked the poor husband; “goose you mean—geese yield feathers, you know, Mollie —-geese, not' cows.” “Yes.” said Mollie, with a twinkle, “but cows give down, don’t they, you stupid?” He uttered a snort of defiance and went out to chop some wood. Blodgers name home the other evening not perfumed like a milliner, but bearing about him the odor of a thousand sample rooms. He took off his overcoat and threw it on the sofa, and as his wife took it up to remove it to its proper peg in the hall, an umber of pieces of cracker fell upon the floor. “What are these, my love?" sftifl she as she stooped to pica them up. “Only food for the swallows, my dear,” was hia indefinite reply. Two little Galveston boys met and began to talk over mutters and things. “Where is Billy Jones?” asked one. “He is at home.” If he was out lie would go with us and find a dog to tie a tin keitfe to,” His pa won’t let him come out.” “What did he do?” He put a wet cartridge on the stove to dry.” "Did it go off? "Y’es, it got warmed before it went off and Billy got warmed after it went off, five or six times, with a book-jack. A poor Irishman applied for relief, and upon some doubts being expressed as to whetherhe was a proper object fur relief he enforced his suit with much earnestness. ‘Och! yer Honor,’ said he, ‘l'd bo starved long since but for my cat.’ ‘But for what?’asked the astonished magistrate. ‘My cat,’ replied the Irishman. ‘Y’ourcat—how so?’ ‘Shure; yer Honor, I eould her eleven times for a shilling a time, and she was aju'uys home before I could get there myself.’ a