Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 16, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 January 1881 — KOMIC KUTTINGS. [ARTICLE]

KOMIC KUTTINGS.

Floating Ain—Boat riding. • Puck: Mr. Mrs. Langtry is here. Said he: “Let us be one.” And she was won. A strain of music—tightening the strings of a violin. New York News: A finished performer—the dead actor. A man may be as sturdy as an oak and still be Wooden headed. “Come! come! rest on this bosom,” as the shirt said to the flatirou. Beneath the mistletoe an old girl always stands Arm. She's a veteran. People so dislike slippery sidewalks that they’re always sitting down on them. ♦ New Orleans Picayune: Darn the stockings that catches no Christmas present. When an Irishman wants to give his landlord a jacketing, he calls it boy coating him. Pressed corned beef, in a cultured family, goes a deal farther than pressed autumn leaves. The young man who was kicked out of his girl’s house very properly styled her father a free hooter. Shipwrecked mariners on the English coast ought to be able to get something to eat out of the chops of the channel. A Georgia man named his mule Lotta, and the next day it kicked a wagon in seventeen different directions at once. An Ohio man has taken the smallpox from a pet pig. When once this disease gets into a family it is pretty sure to go through it. A little Florida boy tamed an alligator, and the ugly reptile learned to like the little fellow—not however, until the little fellow was all gone. The news from South Africa seems to indicate a descent on some editorial sanctum. The dispatch says “the Boers are assembling in large numbers.” These sausages are hardly up to the mark?” Waiter^—“They ain’t eh? Well did you expect Italian greyhound and thoroughbred Scotch terrier for two bits ?” A married man in Newburg has invented an India rubber rolling pin that wilt roll out the dough very evenly and yet bend to the head when it dikes. These cold mornings are favorable .'or abbreviated salutations.. • The latest is: “Good morn” “Morn.” Horn thismom?” “Nohorn.” “Good norn.” Powder and gloves are the last thing i >ut on a girl going to a party.— Bazar. You are not going to get us to ask vvhatis the first, if we never find out. desides, we dou’t want to know. An inquiring man thrust his fingers into a horse’s mouth to see how many ceth it had and the horse closed its mouth to see how many fingers the man had. The curiosity of each was ully satisfied. The ice crop is growing quite satisfactorily, ana with careful weeding md an occasional running between the tows with the cultivator, it will be ready to pick some time in the latter part of January. Said a Harlem school teacher: “If [ have ten apples and give you five 5 md your big brother five, what will be .eft?’’ “I’ll be left.” responded ttie /ounger brother, ‘‘for he will get iway with all of them.” Cambridge is proud es a young wonan so innocent and pure-minded hat she remarked to her intended the lay previous to their marriage: “Now iiina! I wou’t have a baby brought into the house.” “Don’t you find that it hurts your lawn to let yeur children play on it?” asked a friend of a suburban, the other day. “Yes,” answered the gentleman addressed; “but it doesn’t hurt the children.” ■ . In the me Notre Dame de Nazarete, Paris, is the following curious sign: “Bureau of Reconciliations.— Madame Toumier undertakes to act as intermediary between angry spouses, also for prodigal children.’’ » “Is that the way God makes men ?” asked a small boy, looking at a skeleton, yesterday. “It is the way he made me.” said Sarah Bernhardt, indignantly—rand the small boy at once became a citizen of Ohio. Wishing to pay his friend a compliment, a gentleman remarked: “I hear you havo a very industrious wife.” “Yes,” replied the friend, with a melancholy smile, “she is never idle. She always finds something for me to do.” ‘ “Very intellectual boy, that of yours. Mr. Gorging; I should like to examine his head.” Proud father—- “ Johnny, what bumps have you got?” “I’ve the bump that Billy Hopkins gave me on the nose, but I’m laying for him, father.” * * The wife of a man living on Galveston avenue read out loud in the morning at the breakfast table that a Baltimore man had thrown a cup at his wife and killed the infant in her arms. “You don’t say!” he ejaculated, “you must be oareftil not to lend the neighbors any of our new china set.” Three little boys, on a Sunday, were stopped on the street by an elderly gentleman, who, perceiving that they had bats and balls with them, asked one of the number this question: “Roy, can you t§Jl me where all naughty boys go to who play ball on Sunday?” “Over back of Johnson's dam!” the youngster replied. The sawdust of a mill at Victor!* Harbor is burned in a kiln eighty feet high made of boiler iron. Carriers, on an endless chain, convey the refuse to a door forty feet from the ground and dump it into the fire within. The other day an employe named Payne, who looks after the carriers, got cn one of them to go to his place at the door above. Everything went all right until he got close to the doors, when he found that his feet were caught and he was unable to extricate himself, and that he was gradually going to meet a sure and horrible death. He managed to attract the attention of some of his companions, who stopped the machinry just as he was entering the flrev furnace. He was* severely scorched before he was rescued from his perilous position. Cablyle, who is going down to the grave gradually but easily, only regreats that he eannot do more work before he goes. To a recent visitor to his home He said, “Ah! I eannot work much more, and that of all grieves me before going.” Referring tohisprobable death, fie said: “lam not ill: I never was ill—l’m only going—going —going.” ■ '