Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 24 December 1880 — KOMIC KUTTINGS. [ARTICLE]

KOMIC KUTTINGS.

A grave error—Burying a man alive. Danbury News: The wild goose has gone south, fearing a too solid north. Josh Billings: Natur luvs phun; if she doesn’t she never would have made a niuhiky. Buffalo Courier’. Some men are called mult's because they are used to keep a flirt’s hand in. • Mephiistopheles says a reviewer, is a dignified dev||. A Ute Indian calls his squaw Eliza so as to Ute Eliza. Modiste—No, Shcm was not the Inventor or the chemisette. • 1-Arge mouths arc now fashionable among women. They are worn open, of course; as heretofore. “Are you lost, my little fellow?” asked a gentleman of a four-year-old. “No,” he sobbed in reply,“b-but m-my mother is.” “I’d like to dlimb that mountain,” said a traveler, “I hear it is full of copper.” “Pshaw!” answered a resident. “It isn’t worth ascent.” ’Hquire: “Got yous eye in mourning again, I see, Pat!” Pat: “Oi have! It’s in mournin’ for the batin’ T gave that brute Rafferty the other day!” The only source of wealth is labor. — Pericles. They didn’t know anything about poker or being a champion ?iteher in Pericles time. —Boston Yanscrwt. It conies kind o’ sudden like, just as the congregation have finished singing, “Salvation’s free,” to have the preacher announce that “the collection will now be taken up.”

It is claimed that a man never loses anything by politeness, but this has S roved a mistake. As an old Pltflaelphian lifted his hat to a young lady the wind carried away his wig. Running for congress in Florida is no child’s play. A candidate in the First District Is obliged to canvass the State from Pensacola to Key West, while in the Second the stretch is fro m the Georgia line to Dade county In the lower part of the State. “Do you want to kill the child!”exclaimed a gentleman as he saw a boy tip the baby out of its carriage on the sidewalk. “No, not quite/’ replied the boy; “but if I can get him to bawl loud enough, mother will take care of him while I go and wade in the ditch with Johnny Bracer!” “My friends,” said the political speaker, with a burst of ingenuous eloquence, “I wjll be honest—” There was a large number of his neighbors present, and the terrific outburst of applause which followed this remark entirely upset the point which the orator Was about to produce.

Thomas JefTerson used to keep a scrapbook. And he was a great man, too; but to the day of his death he was not able to find anything in that scrap book that he wanted to find, and all his really important scraps he carried around in his vest pocket until they wadded and chafed themselves into shady and unintelligible lint. “Father,” said the elder heir, is it proper to say ‘we is rich,’ or ‘we am rich?’” The old man worked carefully down into the hollow of his boot under the instep, remaining a long time in thoughtful meditation, und then slowly replied: “Well, I should say it would come nigher to the truth to say we hain’t rich.’’. American tradesmen who claim genius for advertising should listen to a Berlin grocer, who thus informs the public, through the Borsen Zeitung : “Twins are come to me for the third time. This time a boy and a girl. I entreat my friends and patrons to support me stoutly. Excellent butter, well worth its price. Similarly, sausage and cheese.” A Galveston school teaeher, who lost all patience with a very stupid boy, finally told the boy’s father, “Your son is getting worse and worse every day.” n I don't think he can be Suite that bad,” remonstrated the paral parent. “Well, then, he is at least getting worse and worse every other day, or, say three times a week. “What shall we do with the Indians?” asks Secretary Shurz. Do with them? Why, man, make telegraph poles of them, grind them up for mince gies, make light houses of them, arley—anything you please, in fact. But the Indians have a way of sitting up all night, and scalping the army, and such like; so you needn’t worry. It isn’t likely that any will be captured for some years.

During the last session of the Court ft Wisconsin, Lawyer Blank had been trying for two long hours to im--s>ress upon the minds of the jury the acts of the case. Heariug the dinne*beH he turned to the Judge and “Had we better adjourn for dinner or shall I keep right on?” Weyy fnd disgusted, his Honor replied: “Oh, you keep right on, keep right on, and we will go to dinner. anecdote is told by Harper’s Editor’s Drawer of the late Father Taylor, of the Boston Seamen’s Bethel. A prayer-meeting had been prolonged one evening beyond the usual hour of closing, and he had been pretty well warmed up. Just then a few restless spirits in the rear of the audience took occasion to leave. The old man rose, and swinging his ami in Ms peculiar way, shouted out. right, brethren: the tide’s floatf” rwo beginning to