Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 8, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 November 1880 — KOMICK KUTTINGS. [ARTICLE]

KOMICK KUTTINGS.

Fireside ooaapaairo; th* pokes. »■ Cutting a swell; lancing a boil. "The trout is often “caught on the fly-* A ease of susoended animation: siwne* inginahamoc&r A highway robber; A pickpocket oa an elevated railroad,. Why do hens have no future life? B***na* they hav* their neck* twirled in thia. There are three feet in a yard. Thi* doe* not apply to* schoolhouse yard at Bears are so plentiful in Michigan that th* hunters have tried to bear the vrohtui market It la all well enough to say, “Taka things as they cone,” but suppose they don’t come? Chamber’s Journal says that cows have an original taste tor music; but they hook too many bars. ▲ blind man climbed to the summit of Mont Blance, recently. It was ail blank to him, though. ABoetonlartist painted an orangepell on the sidewalk so natural that six fat men -slipped down on it. Th* pitcher that goes often to the beerhouse I* broken at last. It is the same way with the catcher, v It requires but a short time for a lady out shopping to learn all the countersign* of the (fry good* trade. A California man ha* a farm of 05,000 acre*. It ia fortunate tor him that he hasn’t them in his Jaw. A* a street car conductor took a rural passenger’s money the other day, he call* ed it an agricultural fair. The weekly income of W. H. Vanderbilt is said to be <IB,OOO. Just our income to a figure, omitting the ciphers. There are two distinct kinds of boys in this world—the human boy and th* boy who exist* in Sunday echoed books. And now the “aweet girl graduate,” having had her summer’s rest, begin* to wonder what her next duty in life u. The Philadelphia Chronicle is doubt* les* correct when it asserts that the fair sex cares more for pickles than for politic*. Distance lends enchantment to the view A starveling a thousand miles away ia far more interesting than one in the nearest alley. A romantic young man says that a ra woman’s heart is like the moon—jgea continually, but always hag * man in it. The mule has met bis match. It was' in Delaware. He died the next day. The little bee is never too busy to decline an invitation to fight. “Subscribers coming in at the rate of fifty a day,” said an editor; and the rival paper explained that they were coming in to order their paper stopped. A paper has been started called the ’’Handkerchief.” There is a great deal of blow about it, as the editor nose a thing or two, and is not to be sneezed at. The theory of the distinguished starviatflhat people can get along with almost no food, does tot work well in practice. The Irich have tried it in Ireland. The dog haa a queer way of wearing more clothes in summer than in winter. In winter he wears only his coat; but la summer he wears his coat and pant*. A parishioner sent his minister a load of wood. The minister sent back hi* thanks, and added, “As one good turn deserves another, won’t you send a man to cut it up?”. In a little village of Dore-et Lorie may be read on the portals of the cemetery: “By decision of the Municipal council, only are to be buried here the dead who live in this Communel” Mayor Prince recently received a letter from an Illinois woman asking him to a her a small piece of ailk to match a as, enclosing a sample, and adding, “Please do look well in all the stores.” Our Sam, who wears a No. 12 shoe, made to order, has recently bought another pair. He was loth to part with hi* old ones, but console* himself by singing of “There golden slippers laid awayJ’ Faith may be able to remove mountain* but when a woman take* her knitting and patch-wok, it will take a derrick *a well aa faith to remove her to her own house in time to prepare her husband's dinner. “Look at thia coat.” add Mr* Snood, kins, holding up a garment rather gone in the seam*. “It’s in a nice state.” "Ah. yea,” said Bnodkins, aoiemly, “sew it* seam*, sew it seam*.” A tailor made a suit which didn’t suit The customer refused to pay the bill and the tailor determined to sue it. Bo h* brought suit for the suit which dldn” suit by a large majority, ’I wish I could settle this confounded coffee,” add an impatient traveler at a railway restaurant. “Try * broomstick,” sdd a moody man with a scratched noee. “That is what every thing is settled with St our house.” A school-mistress, while taking down the names and ages of her pupils and the names of their parent* d the beginning of • term, asked one little fellow, “What’s your father’s name? ’ “Oh, you needn’t take down hi* name; he’s toodd to go to school to a woman," wa* th* reply. “Isn’t it funny f" he exclaimed, as he leaned back in hi* seat at the theatre, and wiped away the tear* that the laushterproyoking comedian had produced. “Yes Isbell say so "responded hl* fair comproton; “itjs onset her sister’s old ones ,tW dropped into his fcprohetnmed togaze upon the young “• p,rc On* of th* most interesting scenes in “Lee Miserable*" is where Jean Valjero. carrying Marious wounded from the street flgbt. escapes with him on his shoulder through a sewer, only to find the police detective, J avert, at the mouth of the sewer, where it empties into the river, waiting to arrest him. Hl* feelings might have beefe appreciated by fly* long-term convicts of the Auburn (N. Y.) State prison, when, after crawling aa how or so on their stomachs through the slime and filth of the prison rower, they discovered the Deputy War dro and other prison officer* awaiting their exit, only to waah and “iron” them, rod take them back to their cell*. Forty-seven Indiana hunter* went north •<* long ago with thirty-three hound*. When they got through with their sport only three of the enti re pack were left The dog button and deadly bullet diapo* ed of the remainder.