Rensselaer Republican, Volume 13, Number 3, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 October 1880 — SEVEN KEYS TO A SAFE. [ARTICLE]

SEVEN KEYS TO A SAFE.

“I tell you what,” I Baid, '“I shan’t come for the account any more. This makes six times I have called for that $470, and I shall put it in my lawyer’* hands.” “No, no; quite rightee you, subbee. Pay dollar all soon. Cull again.” I was reminded of all this by seeing the Chinese Ambassadors the other day, and it carried me back to San Francisco, full five years ago, where I was dealing largely in various commodities which were much affected by the Heathen Cliinee.' I found them a patient, civil, industrious class of people, ready to bargain and get things as cheaply as ixissible; bnt scrupulously honest and ready to pay with the greatest of promptitude as lone as I dealt with one man. When I had to do work with a partnership concern, it was a terrible matter? For instance, I had trusted one firm with goods to the amount of nearly SSOO, ami no money was forthcoming. I bullied my collector terribly, for he always came back with an excuse instead of money, and the same tale, that the firm was perfectly honest and trustworthy, and that the . money would be paid. “Then, why don’t they pay, Johnson?” I exclaimed.

“I wish you would give them a call yourself, sir,” said Johnson. And I said I would, and did, going to the Honger Mercantile Company seven, times, and always being put off. It was always the same; they were perfectly willing to pay, ana messengers were sent, but to return, sometimes with one, sometimes with two. or even three or four ineinl>ers of the firm: but when these Chinese Spenlows proffered themselves as ready to pay, there was always an obstacle in the way, in the shape of the absence-of that Heathen Chinee, Jorkinfli.

At last I expressed myself as I have said at the beginning of this story, and was going out of the place when a smiling Chinaman came up to me, and, holding his head on one side, he exclaimed: “Ingly Hong man, come again a marrow. I’ayee then all—payee ebbery dollarudi, ciss.” “Well, look here,” I said, “I will come in here to-morrow; at 11 o'clock, and shall eipect to be —” “Oh, ciss, payee all dollar. Give long, big order, lot. Goodee thousand dollar.

“I’ll talk about taking your order, my Chinese friend, when you pay for the last,” I said gruffly, and I went away. “The fellow looks honest,” I said; “but there’s no trusting these foreigners. They take delight in tricking an English man or a Melican man, as they call it Perhaps to-morrow, when l‘go, they’ll all have pulled up stakes and gone east It was with some satisfaction, then, that on reaching their great shea warehouse. the next morning, I found Mr, Pigtail, in his long blue gown and bland smile standing at the door, ready to salute me with a dose of pigeon English, which I could hardly understand. “Well, Mr. Ah Ree,” I said, as I followed liim into the bale-crowded warehouse, which certainly looked as prosperous as the great iron safe in the cor•ner was substantial—“well, Mr. Ah Ree, R hope you are prepared to pay my little Recount this morning?” “Ciss, ciss—readee payee,” he said. And placing a wicker chair for me, he went off and dispatched a couple of messengers, with urgent orders in his barbarian tongue, to each. This looked bad, for it was only a repetition of the tactics followed on former occasions—tactics which always resulted in a put-off I looked terribly gruff; but Mr. Ah Ree, who was tl.o senior partner, smiled and rubbed his hands ns he beckoned me to follow him into the farther parts of the warehouse, and then showed me specimens of silk and sample teas, with coarse Chinese pottery. “Well,* I said to myself, growing ■ little more easy in my mind, “thereto plenty to seize, at all events.” Tl»e result was that after my bland friend had talked tome for about a quarter of an hour, I booked a thousand dollar order for what an Englishman would call sundries. “There,” said I, closing my book with a slap, "this order shall be executed as soon as your last account is settled-.’’, “Ciffl, ciss—payee allee dollee,” belaid, smiling and pointing to a seat. Meanwhile, by slow degrees, five re-'pcctul-le-looking, Chinamen had come into the warehouse or store; and they tome around me, smiling and talking in a blend, smooth way “You mean mischief,” I said to myself nn.l ny hand went involuntarily to my pocket, where, in accordance with San Francisco customs, I carried a revolver. “Yon mean to get rid of me and youi debt together my friends. Very good .- out if you do, I’ll take one of you by way of receipt” I suppose my *ace did not betray whatlfelt for they closedaround me in the calmest manner, mating excuses, and asking me to be patient a little longer, for their messengers were

out, m I understood them, to collect the amoNnt I needed. Ii seemed to me tlut tits. f ««M getting me tkrther and farther from the door into tbe gloomy obeenrit* of tfie warehouse, under the pretense of i ltowing me fresh goods, till at last I felt I list the time for action had come. In ftoCt, one of the- biggest -of the party’ whispered something to his companions, ami I seixed my revolvflr and was about to draw U afl a fresh Chinaman entered the hnilfaff, and they harried to meet him with a look of relief. “Lucky for some of you, my friends," I said, drawing a breath of relief, and following them toward the door, meaning to take the first opportunity that owed to make anin for it. To my great surprise, though, Mr. Ah Bee came, and taking my ann, led me toward the great "Iron coffin, eh !** said I to myself. "Countee out de dollar,” said Mr. Ab Rec. And the last arrival of his nx .companions went up to the safe, placed a key in a hole, and turned it Tiien a second did so with another key in another hole, and so on, till six nad unlocked six locks of the great safe, when Mr. Ah Roe took out a similar key to hit companions and went up to the safe, smiling,as he said tome — “Great Hong Company—poof Chinamen. Big safee —big dollar. Seben partnee take seben key, open, get de dollar.’As he spoke, he unlocked the safe, and turned-the door on its massive binges, and then, prilling out a drawer, he drew forth a beg marked 470—the amount in dollars of my aoMMint— and handed the bag to me. "No trustee no man,” be said, smiling, as he shat and locked the door, his six partners locking it in tarn. “No trustee once mans; all come at once, open door —all right.” From which I understood that, as ta our trading communities, two or three, or even four partners have to sign a check to make it negotiable, my seven Chinese friends, all partners in their Hong or trading community, could make no payment without every man was present to help unlock the treasure safe. I laughed at the plan, for the heavy dollar bag made xne feel in a very good temper. They laughed too, And shook hands very wannly, a*ler the English fashion, as 1 took my departure. “No once man run away all dollar," be said, laughing. “I see,” I said, laughing. “You shall have your goeds in soon.” I sent them; and for a long while after the Hong of Ah Ree and I did a good deal of business; but it always took seven keys afterwards, when I wanted money, to open that safe. A busy dramatist is at work on a new play, to be called “The Blister.” He thinks it will draw. He put his ann around her waist and swore an awful swore, remarking as be drew it back, ‘Tve felt that Pin-afore.” Lydia Thompson is reported as having covered herself with glory in her latest burlesque performances. Lydia always was a light dresser. When the firstgush of spring comes,the average Sunday school superintendent sits down to draw picnic diagrams, and estimate how many sardines he can pack in an express wagon.

“Georgie,” said a devoted young mother to her ver/ juvenile son, "you cannot have another cookie till you ask for it properly!” "Please, for Christ’s sake, amen ” said the little innocence, with immediately folded hands. Among the names of the many baseballists who* have secured tame *and money by thejr achievments within the diamond arena, we have never yet seen the name of Ute Prodigal Son, yet the fact stares posterity in the face that he was the first man to make a home run. A one-cent stamp for a circulaire, A one-cent stamp for a newsnapaire, A tliree-cent stamp for a sealed lettaire. AlLlickedon the right cornaire. Lick, Brothers, lick with caire, On the right hand side, not everywhere, Unless you want the postmastaire To make things hot and "cuss and swaire? One of the unfathomable mysteries of this life is to understand how a handcuffed criminal can jump off a tram whan it is going at the rate of fort] miles an hour and escape injury, while a man who never committed a \ ”ong in his life* cannot step off a train running at a speed of six miles an hour, without plowing up two or three feet of earth with bis nose, having a leg crushed off or his skull fractured. . - Mrs. Muriel took great interest in parish affairs. Last year she promised to assist in decorating the parish church. One illuminated text she thought would' look well over the chancel screen, and she requested her husband to bring it from town. As he expected, he forgot the text, nnd wired to nis wife lor parcmare. To the surprise of the telegraph clerks, this message came flashing over the wires: “Unto us a child isborn, nine feet long by two feet broad.” . Bangs, who had been kept in the house all winter with rheumatism, was tempted by the’warm sun to venture into the open air hobble down street, when, with many sympathetic handshakings by his friends, he learned that the following would each cure him of his complaint: 'lodide of potassium, quinine, glauber salts, onions, raw silk, oiled skin, gin and tansy, Turkish baths, a potatoe carried in the : pocket, an eel-skm tied around the leg, a suit of red flannel, a chloroform liniment, hot water, cold water, a trip south, a dry atmosphere, equable temperature, .sulphur baths, mustard and hot water, camphor liniment and electricity.