Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 49, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 August 1880 — WIT AND HUMOR. [ARTICLE]

WIT AND HUMOR.

good skate. ge^?-A te l£? On “ Oftl - tenunl “ c Somepereons never pay a debt, except If falsehood paralysed the tongue, what a death-like silence would pervade society. - The captain of a vessel is not governed by his mate, but a married landsman generally is. , . , “My son, you must start up from this you have mean upA foolish fellow, having a house to sell, took a brick from the wall to exhibit it as a sample. We suppose that there is quite as large an amount of craft upon the land as there is upon water. > A wise man may be pinched by poverty, but only a fool will let himself be pinched by tight shoes. What is that which every man can divide, but no one can see where it has been divided?—Water. A curious inquirer, desirous to know how* he looked when asleep, sat with closed eyes before a mirror. When a young lady hems a handkerchief for a rich bachelor, she probably sews, in order that she may reap. A man may well afford to have grey hairs, when a wife or sweetheart is getting too blind to distinguish them. Mosquito, fold thy weary wings and cross thy legs upon thy breast; put up thy Uli and horns and things, and sink into thy final rest! A physician advertised that be had moved nearer to the churchyard, and trusted that his removal would accommodate his patients. A little girl whose father refused her a second tart, said thereupon, “Papa why don’t you ring, Feed me till I want no more?* She got the tart. Abstemiousness and frugality are the best bankers.* They show a handsome interest, and never dishonor a draft drawn on them by their humblest customers. “Yes, gentlemen, certainly,” said a polite clothier; “if you want a pair of pants, step right into my* pantry; if a vest, walk right up to my vestry; and if a coat—here, Jacob, show these gentlemen into the coterie. This way, this way, gentlemen."