Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 May 1880 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

The weighs of the world—Avoirdupois and Troy.— Cincinnati Commercial. There are not many centenarians, but there are dead loads of narycentians.—Andrew's Queen. Caw a retired baggage-master be properly referred to as the company's exobeckerP— Keokuk Gate City. Legislative bodies are never stagnant. There’s always somebod}' to make a motion.— -Boston Advertiser. The man who first invented sleep doesn't seem to have given babies their share of that useful article.— Chicago Tribune. Carpet-shaking times are near at hand. The hand-shaking season will come later when the candidates are out. — N. O. Picayune. ANbw York circus fires a young lady out of a cannon for sport. On City hotels fire young men out of doors for not paying their board.— Derrick. Even in the hottest weather, a school ma’am always koeps school.— Oil City Derrick. Even in the ooldest weather, an old toper keeps sot.— Detroit Fret Pre~s. The business eard of a New York house announces that they manufacture “every requisite for commercial travelers.” We would like to see the wholesale price list for cheek.— Bridgeport Standard.

She had a pretty diploma Ued with [>ink ribbon, from one of our best young a> lies’ colleges. In conversation with a daring and courageous young man, after he had detailed the dangers ami delights of riding on a locomotive, she completely upset his opinion of independent education of the sexes by inquiring, “ How do they steer locomotives, anyhowP”— New Haven Register. “Politics is all a humbugs. Dey told me all 1 bad to do vas to Day oud some moneys aud 1 vould git elected sbust like a nod inks. But ven I vent to vot yon tink dat man at the bolls he told mes He shust told me, ‘ Don’tyon get oxcited;' and I vasn't do nod inks, bat shtfst talking to my friends dat I tought was agoing to vote for me. Und den he said again, * Ye. <fon’t vant no excitement round here torday;* ‘but vat I care for hims Nodinks. I shust talked und talked mit efrev body. und tings vas gittin’ on bully. How many wotes you dink 1 got? Dree, shust drep, one in A Instinct and two in B Instinct, and one of dem was scratched. You shust wait; it eter I find de man who scratched my name off dat dicket I scratch him, you bet. Oh, yea, I vas beat. ’ ’ —Cincinnati Gazette.