Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 33, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 April 1880 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

When honest men fall out rogues get their work in. A hen ou a porcelain egg may be setting a good egg sample, But there is no money in it. A man with a good head on his shoulders will not go too far. It is the same way with a pin. The phonograph is an almost forgotten invention. It talked back and soon became unpopular. If any one believes a mad bull is color blind, let the experiment be made with a red flag in a small yard.— N. O Picayune. The way dentists get patients into their offices is to hang out a gigantic imitation tooth with roots six inches long. This settles the business with a timid woman at once.— Detroit Free Press “ Will you have cream and glucose in your.coffee?’’ is the question now propounded from the maternal end of the breakfast table. “Yes,” answers the pater-familias, “ and pass the oleomargarine.” Boston has the champion mean man. He was obliged to have a large safe hoisted from tbe street to a third story window, and caused it to be done at night, when the crowd that always enjovs such, a sight couldn’t have seen the affair even if they had known about it. —Boston Post. Thief before the severe judge: — f* What a disgrace! Are you not ashamed, an old man like you, to be brought here accused of theft?” “ Pardon me, your Honor,; do not upbraid me undeservingly. I began stealing when I was very young.”— Pari* Paper. When tbe young and tender school-girl isn’t thinking. Isn't thinking. Of the time when she will be allowed to vote, ’Lowed to vote; The chances are that she Is coyly blinking. Coyly blinking. At some young man in a sebra overcoat. Overcoat. —Hew Haven Register. One very hot day a case was being tried in a court of law in one of the Western States. The counsel for the 'plaintiff had been speaking at great length, and, after referring to numerous authorities, was about to produce another imposing volume, when the judge inquired what was the amount in dispute. Ou being informed that it was two dollars, “Well,” said he, “the weather is verv hot, I am very old, and also feeble—I r ll pav the amount myself.” They had been sitting before the fire for two hours without a word having been spoken. He was a young man with reddish hair and rough nands, who lived in the neighborhood, and she was a country girl who combed her hair behind her ears and wore a dress without a flounce on it. Two hours had passed without a word, and then he hit her in the side with the point of his Anger as if he was stabbing at a baby's mouth, accompanying the movement with an expressive sound like “ k-r-iek ” She blushed, so did he. Then he said: “Huh?” Ami then she said: “Uh-hu.” And it was all over. Oil Oily Derrick.