Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 32, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 April 1880 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

The rooster crows when the egg is incubated, because he knows the hen likes to have her lay set to musio. “Now this is what I call business,” remarked a Brooklyn undertaker, as an unfortunate gentlemen stepped into his store and died. The Mule Puzzle.—Draw a circle fifteen feet in diameter, place a mule in the center, and walk around him without getting out of the oircle. A hen'B brain isn’t very large, but it is large enough to comprehend the fact that she never was the mother of an Easter egg, and that if she was it would not hatch painted chickens. The only men who ever hang to a New Year - s diary are the chaps who lend money to their friends. They must have some sort of a book to write down names and amounts in. —Detroit Free Frees. Female printers pop the qnestion to the male typos by simply handing them an interrogation point, l ?). If the latter intend to embrace tne opportunity and acoept, they return a brace, thus —, but if they wish to decline and dash the cap of happiness from the fair one’s lips, they hand over a —. — N. O. Picayune. What need is thereto worry and fret, And vainly try more trouble to borrow. When we know that after the sun has set * To-day will be yesterday tomorrow. —Boston Transcript. But if there’s a note that’s due, you bet You’d better remember it while you may; For It’s Important you shouldn’t forget To-day was to-morrow yesterday. —American Queen. “ 1 will bet ten dollars,” the commercial traveler shouted, with rising temper, “ that 1 did it this morning in twenty minutes.” “I don’t doubt that,' r the fat passenger replied, sadly, “ but I will bet yon twenty dollars that nobody saw you do it.” And did it ever occur to yon, dear reader, that that is the way the puzzle usually has been solved!— Hawkeve. A poor bat good-looking girl on the West Side,—having married an old man whose wealth was only exceeded by the redness of his nose, was the victim of a cruel pun the other evening. She had asked tne old man for five hundred dollars with which to buy a spring hat, and, on his making some excuse for not producing the amount, began to weep large salt tears. “Bawling won’t do any good," he said, with a brutal smile. “ This is not the first financial cry, sis, that I have passed through. 1 ’ —CMcaao Tribune. Good-night song at the Limekiln Club: B rodders, now flat we mas’ part, Let usgently say “Good-night:" It am better to be good Dan to Jaw aroun* an fight. , As we go our varus way, Let us dodge all sorts or sin; If we meet a man of woe Let urgently take him in. De world am big enuff far all, No use crowd in any one; Take de road an’ walk along. Till yer days of life am’ dun. —Detroit me Prem Signor Uriartk, the Spanish QMfigjß) to New York City, smokes his Havanas in a pipe mounted with diamond# worth •760. (