Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 March 1880 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

A cOBK-DOpGBBt-The man who wean big bdets. ! It was a Chicago girl who once spoke of "setting” in a chair and then got such an education that she talked about the beautiful “ stinsiL”—Boston /W. ? : Thet were sitting together Sunday evening, with an album or two be- . tween them, when she pleasantly asked: •* How would yon like to have my mother live with you?” fit,, just fifteen seconds he had his hat down half way over his face, and was bolting through the gate. • A fellow stopped at a hotel in Leadville, and the landlord charged him seven dollars a day for five days. "Didn't you make a mistake?” “No,” said the landlord. "Yes, you did; you thought you got all the money I had, but you are mistaken. I have a whole pursefnl in another pocket.” Manyillm (to hit widowed friend Chasuble, who has views on art)—“le it true that you're broken off with Sii Henry’s daughter?” Chasuble—“ Alas, yes, I was forced to. although she is s charming woman.” -Manville—“WhyF’ Chasubifr—" InQompatability of complexion. She does not suit my furniture.”— French Paper. A certain painter was bragging of his wonderful Command of color to a friend one day. His friend did not seem to take it quite al! in. " Why,” exclaimed the painter, "do you know that there are but three painters in the world, sir, who understand color?” “ And who are they?” at last asked the friend. “Why, sir, I am one, and—and—and—and—l forget the name of the other two!” Am Arbroath man, overload of a wee drop, having beaten his wife at night, andforgotten all about the domestic difference by the morning, looked at her damaged- face, and anxiously exclaimed: “Guid-mess preserve a’! Lassie, whaur hae ye been?” Enlightened as to his part in the matter, he cried, as though he were the aggrieved one: “O dear! O dear! it’s an awful thing ye winnakeep oot o’ hoirm’s wag.” There!” she cried, in an excited voice; “I should like to know what’s become of that ambriL I sot it up agin the counter when I come in, and afore I could turn round its gone—and it'Was only a Monday that I gin four and six for ’ll” “ What kind of an umbrella was it, ma’am?” asked the polite clerk, in his blandest tones. " A spick and span new gingham, young man,” was the eager response, "with an iv’ry handle on’t, and a—” "Like the one in your hand, ma'am, for instance?” "Sakes alive!” she exclaimed. And one might have thought she saw a serpent rather than her own " spick and span gingham,” with its " iv’ry handle” clutched fast in her hand. She colored up like a druggist's window, and went off amidst unintelligible excuses. She never felt so flustered in all her bom days, as she told Jemima Ann when she got home.— Boston Transcript.