Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 March 1880 — HUMOROUS. [ARTICLE]

HUMOROUS.

Time is nothing to a loafer. If he had time he would try to kill it. Orange peel is very dangerous; the least bit of it brings on physical prostration. The fellow who lays the blame of his madness to the moon is disc-criminat-ing in his choice of a scapegoat. Nor a word they utter— Cur'ous kind o’ courtin’— Now and then they mutter: “ Thirteen—fifteen—fourteen.” —N. K. Mafl. “ No,” said the Philadelphia undertaker, “ business has not revived as it should. What we need in this country to make things boom is the cholera, yellow fever, or some other epidemic.” An experienced Chicago matron, whose skill is attested by the fact that she has successfully married off three daughters, says that a young man in the parlor is worth two at the front gate. It is likely that the gentlemen who make it their daily business to fire at and miss the Czar are paid directly by that distinguished monarch; but the different congratulating-escape Nations must see through it in the course of time.— N. O. Picayune. A Detroit girl thrashed two street loafers who bothered her, and then went home and saw a mouse and jumped up on top of a bookcase and fainted. Street loafers in Detroit will hereafter carry mice in their pockets to trot out for self-protection.— Boston Post. The male hornet does not sting. t He waits until the female hornet has got in her work, and then ehases you through a swamp, over briers and into a field where there is a mad bull. He is aware that he can't sting, but it makes him laugh to think that you don't know it. —Hawkeye. “ How much are these goods a yard?” said a gentleman in a dry goods store the other day, as he picked up and exammed a piece of ruffled silk. “ Good gracious!” cried the horrified clerk, “ that isn’t for sale! That’s the end of a lady’s train! She's just gone up to the third story in the elevator.”—Boston Transcript. To have that pretty girl of twenty, recall that piece of deviltry which she recollected Mr. Gallagher had been guilty of when he was a ten-year-old boy, and'to have her. remind him of it before a loCof people, naturally embarrassed him; but he didn’t feel half so badly as she did when he made believe to laugh at the reminiscence and said, “Ah, yes; I recollect the scrape as well as you do, though it was almost thirty years ago.” A young man died in Albany the other day from the effects of drink. He had led a fast and reckless life, but the journalist in writing him up followed the recognized rule, speaking lightly of his faults and striving to make the most of his virtues. He touchingly alluded to him as a crack base-ball player and at one time the best “left fielder” in the country. What a comforting assurance to weeping friends, some of whom perhaps had forgotten that the departed had ever distinguished himself on the the diamond field. How the remembrance must have cheered them in their torar W sorrow I—Uvnw MM