Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 February 1880 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

A cald snap—an icy answer, fccxxun his collar-button is Hk« the celebration of the Fourth of July—m is sure to come off. Colonel Robert G. Ingersoll earns from his profession and lectures frpm •90,000 to <70,000 a year, and spends most of it. “ Swinburne ” in Anglo-Saxon signifies ‘‘pigs-brook swin (a pig), burne (a brook), writes a correspondent of the London Newt. The appraisers of the estate of the late Wilnam S. O'Brien, the San Francisco millionaire, have made an inventory showing its value to be <9,665,459.77. Mrs. Elizabeth Comstock, a Quaker missionary of Michigan, says of the 115,000 prisoners whom she has visited, 105,000 were brought to prison through strong drink. Edison says he can fix electricity so it will run a sewing-machine at an exEsnse of two cents a day. Good enough! ut what would be the probable expense of arranging it so as to run a sew-ing-machine agent out of a townP— Brooklyn Eagle. Ajc exchange inquires: ‘‘Wha| shall we do at the table?*’ Why, eat, man, eat, of course. It wouldn’t be just the thing to play ball, or shoot at a mark, or do anything of that kind, and we don’t see much left to do but eat. Suppose you try eating, anyway, at first— Bridgeport Standard. A public spirited Mississippian, Dr. C. M. Vaiden, has made an offer to the Legislature of Mississippi or the various churches of the State to give <50,000 toward the erection of a college at Vaiden, provided that either the churches or the lawmakers will give the other <50,000 required. A burglar was killed the other night near Indianapolis by a brave woman, who, on seeing his head thrust through a window-pane, took a chair and dealt him a powerful blow, breaking his neck He hung until morning, when she aroused her neighbors, and his body was cared for. A little boy being asked by another boy what he was doing now, replied, “ I am cashier in a clothing store.” “ Vou, cashier!” said the other in amazement. “Yes,” said the little chap, “ that's what the clerks call me. A hundred times a day they holler •cashier.’” “Cash! here!” was what the clerks said. “Papa,” said he, as he was shown some pictures in a book Santa Claus had left him, “ Papa, why does camels have suehjrig hunches on their backs?” The information received not being very satisfactory, he at length solved the difficulty himself. “ Why, I know, papa,” said he, “ it’s so’s they’ll bf camels.” Which must be the reason —Elmira Advertiser.

It is related of the late Rufus Choate that., on receiving a note from his associate counsel at Washington informing him that in an important case the court had decided against him, he wrote back as follows- “ Dear Sir: The court has lost its little wits. Please let me have—1. Our brief (for the law). 2. The defendant's brief (for the sophistry). 3. The Opinion (for the foolishness), and never sav die.’ ’

A church in the bankrupt city of Elizabeth, N. J., was "assessed <7OO, and the church edifice was in danger of a forced sale, when some canny Christian bethought him that the bonds of the city were receivable for the assessment. Acting upon this happy thought, <3OO was raised, the debt ••paid” with bonds, worth two-fifths their face, and a thanksgiving service was held over the achievement.

There is nothing more musical than the voice of a baby during the daytime, and nothing more solemn or terrible when heard after you have settled yourself for a comfortable night’s sleep. It doesn’t help the matter any to be reminded that you kept your parents awake in the very same way, and that good old Mother Nature, who never forgets a fact, is simply enforcing the law of retribution.— N. Y. Herald. “Ifyou was a decent person,” remarked a shrill female voice on the railway, “you would shut down that window and not expose me to the draft.” “Madam,” was the reply, as the window was softly lowered, “I thought from your face that you were over forty-five, and therefore out of the draft.” And notwithstanding the fact that this wretch was on the train the cars did not ru.n oft the track or the locomotive burst its boiler.

Parnell’s manner before an audience is thus described in the Springfield Republican's Boston correspondence: “Parnell is cold as an iceberg. He evidently commits his speeches to memory, and he has no animation, no style. His voice is thin and his manner awkward. He does not seem to be in feArtiest; he does not warm with his theme. He seems the politician, not the leader. He does not sway his audience. He cools rather than fires its ardor.”

There are all sorts of “lessons” drawn from sudden deaths; but that which the Directors of the Fulton Ferry Company, New York, derived from the death of one of their pilots by heart disease is at least eminently practical. The boat, crowded with passengers, was ready to start from the dock, but the pilot failed to give the signal, and an investigation showed that he was sitting Hfeless in his chair. The perils or calamities that might have occurred had the event happened in mid-river determined the directors henceforth to station two men in their pilot houses, to provide against all accidents of this ind.— Detroit Free Press.