Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 13 February 1880 — A Lest Husband. [ARTICLE]

A Lest Husband.

Own of the officials of Justice alley was lately waited on by a man who said his name was Smith, and who volunteered the further information that he., was about to get married. The only stumbling-block was the fact that he would not agree to leave off drinking. He had come to consult his Honor on that point and see what was advisable. “Well, I’d promise, I guess,!’ replied the Justice. “It’s a bad habit, anyhow, and the sooner you break it the better.” “ Well, I guess I will,” answered tbo man, and he went out. In an hour he returned and said: “ What do you think? After I promised that, she wanted me to promise to leave off chawin’ tobacco!” “Well, Td do that, too,” said his Honor. “It is another bad habit, and you’ll feel all the better for breaking it.” Smith went away again, and when he returned he looked twice as solemn as a frozen' whitefish. “And now she wants me to promise to stop swearing!” he gasped, as he fell into a chair. “Is she a nice woman?” asked his Honor. • ■ ■ “She is.” : • I “And you truly love her?” “Ido” “ Well, then, I’d stop swearing. It is a senseless habit, anyhow, and you lose nothing by promising.” The man concluded to promise, and departed quite happy, but when he once more returned, after an interview with the bride-elect, he was mad. “There won’t be no marriage,” he announced; as he sat down and pounded the table. 1 “Why? What now?” “What now? Why, when I promised to stop drinking, quit chawin’ and leave off swearing she said I must promise to clean Up, shave up and go to church with her!” “Andyou won’t do it?” “Judge!” replied Smith,, after a struggle with his mental agitation, “do you suppose I’m going at it and change myself over to a gentleman just for the_ sake of marrying a forty-year-old widow’ with a mole bn her chin? Never! You can go home! There won’t be any splicing to do, and from this time out I’ll drink and chaw and swear around four times worser than ever! It’s too much—it’s the last straw on the camel’s back!”— Detroit Free Press.