Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 23 January 1880 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

A dear little thing—the diamond. Retired from the “ service” -- A broken teacup. It is estimated that in this country only one person in five hundred owns a home. An we a neighshun?— Chicago Times. ”1 have a theory abonn the dead languages,” said anew student. “What is it?” asked the professor. “That they are killed by being studied too hard.” A negro boy in Memphis, when asking for a ration the other day. told the following story: “Toe got a. brudder, and he’s got free ribs broke an’ de •pine and hi* leg, and ’less be • git* something to eat he’s bound to dip.” He got it. Stern Permit—“ Now, Tommy, yon haven't looked at this! If yon makfe one more mistake I shalLwhip you,!” Tommy —“ I thought you never whipped us for accidents,' mamma?” S. P.—* 4 Well, sir?:’ Tommy—“ Well, I make mistakes by accident!” The man with a headache has a faint recollection that she asked him to call again—next New Year’s Day. He should haye commenced sending hia card in as soon as he became unfit to compliment the ladies with his actual presence.— N. 0. Picayune. “Why did George Washington cross the Delaware on the ice during the storm of an awful night?” asked a teacher of her Jlass in history. “ I reckon,” piped a small voice in answer, “It was because he wanted to get on the other side.” —Worcester Gazette. Never give away a penny indiscriminately, says a facetious exchange. If a beggar tells you *he is starving, order him to come to you the next day. If he makes his appearance it is a proof of the falsehood of his statement. If it had been true he would have died during the night. .< “Maria,” observed Mr. Holcomb, as he was putting bn his clothes, “ there ain’t no patch on them breeches yet” “I can’t fix it now, no way, I’m too busy.’* “Well, give me the patch then, an’ I’ll carry it around With me. I don’t want people to think I can’t afford the cloth.”

Mb. Curtis once asked Mr. Greeley, in response to a similar question put to him by the great editor: “How do you know, Mr. Greeley, when you have succeeded in a public address?” Mr. Greeley, not averse to the perpetration of a joke at his own expense, replied, “ When more stay in than go out.” “No,” exclaimed Mr. Penhecker, “No. maid am, I object most decidedly. Once and for all I say it—the girls shall not be taught foreign languages." “And why not, pray," said Mi's. P., with withering sarcasm. “ Because," said Mr. P. : , with more withering sarcasm,“because, Mrs, P., one tongue is enough for any woman!" Mrs. renhecker responded not.— Judy. ' OldX lectures his nephew, a confirmed gambler. I3* Then ybo never played, did you, uncle?” “ Yes, once, in 1847, at Baden. A gentleman whom I didn’t know proposed a game of ecarte at ten francs. I was weak enough to agree; he lost ten games.” “Then you must have won a hundred francs?” “Yes, I won them, that is so; but I might have lost them, and I have never touched a card since; it was a lesson.” —French Paper. Two of those ornaments made of plaster of* Paris flavored with sugar were bestowed upon an urchin, with the usual warning, “ Don’t eat them, whatever you do; they will poison you.” For some time they were regarded by him and his younger brother with mingled'awe and admiration; but at no distant day their mother missed one. “Tom,” said she to the owner, who was just setting forth for school, “what have ’ee done with that figure?" “Giv’d it to Dick,” was the reply; “ and if he’s living when I come home, I mean to eat the other one myself, I can tell ’ee!” In the life of the -late Charles Mathews, the comedian, an anecdote is told illustrative of Lord Blessingtonls character. A party had gone to explore some ruins rising out of the sea. Mathews describes how, as he was leaping from stone to stone, “ Lord Blessington called out more than once, to mv great surprise, * Take care, take care! Tor heaven’s sake mind what you are about! You’ll be in, to a certainty!’ After one or two repetitions of his alarm Lady Blessington, losing patience, exclaimed: “Do let the boy alone, Blessington. If he does fall into the water, what can it signify? You know he sWims like a fish.’ ‘Yes, yes,’ said his Lordship, ‘ that is all very well; but I shall catch my death driving home with him in the carnage.’ ” Willia*M Howard, who committed burglary in New York recently to save his wife and child from starvation, has been the recipient of much charity since the facts were made public. A number of business meh offered him employment, several physicians called ana tendered their services, and work was offered Mrs. Howard as soon as she is strong. Over forty ladies called, and a number of persons sent letters with money in them to Mrs. Howard. A ton of coal was sent to the family, f irovision baskets in numbers were deivered at their rooms, and the Cotton Exchange gave one hundred dollars. Mr. Theodore Moss gave bail for the appearance of Mr. Howard whenever wanted on the charge of stealing; but it is hardly likely that he will be prosecuted. The proprietor of the shop he robbed has sent the family five dollars and a promise not to appear against the husband.