Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 18, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 January 1880 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Grant has had his Phil-o’-delphia.— Philadelphia Bulletin. A lady voter of Boston found too late that she had voted her curl papers. ■* A New Jersey man has sued a band that serenaded him. New Jersey is a gjeat State.— Boston Post. It is not necessary to threaten a bad man, for his own deeds threaten him. with a worse punishment than you can inflict. ' “Foregoes” was the word gigen out at a written spelling exercise recently; and one little boy handed in, “ Go, go, go-go-” \. Professor Proctor alludes to the earth as a mere mustard seed. The Buffalo Express says that this is because it is hot inside. There is no happiness which will compare with that which comes to a man whose bills are all honestly paid. — N. Y. Herald. The difference between a barber and a sculptor is very slight. The one curls up and dyes, the other makes faces and busts.— Springfield Union. From a yield of SIOO,OOO in bullion, in 1865, tfie Georgia gold-fields have advanced to $1,000,000 per annum, with a promise of large returns next year. If a man's word is not as good as his bond, the best thing is to get on without either. If this can’t be done, look well to the bond, and treat the word as though it had never been spoken. At one of the Louisville hotels is a lady who comes down to breakfast each morning with the copy of a magazine, so varying her literature with her costume that the covering of the periodical shall always harmonize with her own. Mr. Tennyson still devotes himself to domestic subjects. His latest effort reads: j Put the arm-chair in the attic— It has onrned a needed rest; For the pair it oft supported Now are married ana gone West. The papers are constantly telling us how to live on two dollars a week. It is undoubtedly a very difficult problem, but by no means tbe most diincult. The world would be far wiser and happier if some brilliant genius would only tell us how to get the two dollars.— Exchange. “ If you marry Grace,” exclaimed an irate father to his son, “I will cut you off without a cent, and you won’t have so much as a piece of pork to boil in the pot.” “ Well,” replied the young man, “ Gracfe before meat,” and he immediately went in search of a minister.— Cincinnati Saturday Night. A young man who had just returned from a long journey, olasping his adored one in a loving embrace in a dimlylighted parlor, was seized with a great terror that for an instant paralyzed all his energies. “ Oh. my darling,” said he, wildly, “why didn't you write mo of this? What is it—spinal disease? or have you dislocated some of your ribs, that you are obliged to wear this great leather bandage?” “ Oh, love,’” she gently murmured, - “ this is only my new belt; I would have got a broader one, but it would not go under my arms.”

The blacksmith of Glamis’s description of metaphysics was: “ Twa folk disputin' thegitner; he that's listenin' disna ken what he that's speakin’ means himsel’—that's metaphysics.” In De Morgan’s Formal logic the following is found: “ I would not dissuade a student from metaphysical inquiry; on the contrary, I would rather endeavor to promote the desire of entering upon such subjects; but I would warn him, when he tries to look down his own throat, with a candle in his hand, to take care that he does not set his head on fire.” —Notes and Queries. A Quaker shopkeeper once met a customer of his going home with her bundles. He had been absent from his place, and had a notion in his wise head that she had been trading with a rival whom he did not much love. “How much did thee give a yard for this, Mary? One dollar! Why, lam surprised at thee! I could let thee have it for seventy.-five cents. And how much for thisP Two dollars! Why, that was unreasonable. I could have let thee have it for one dollar and a half. Why will thee go away trading with strangers and world’s people, Mary? “I don’t know what thee is talking about, friend John,” she said; “but I did buy all these things at thy store, and if thee says the truth thee must owe me considerable money.” —Troy Times. A page of the Czar’s diary, if we may believe the San Francisco News-Letter , runs as follows: “ Got up at 7 a. m. and ordered my bath. Found four gallons of vitriol in it and did not take it. Went to breakfast. The Nihilists had placed two torpedoes on the stairs bat I did not step on them. The coffee smelt so strongly of Prussic acid that I was afraid to drink it. Found a scorpion in my left slipper, but luckily shook it ont before putting it on. Just before stepping into my carriage to go for my morning drive, it was blown into the air, killing the coachman and the horses instantly. I did not drive. Took a light lunch off hermetically sealed American goods. They can’t fool me there. Found a poisoned dagger in my favorite chair, with the point sticking out. Did not sit down on it. Had dinner at six p. m., and made Baron Laischounowonski taste every dish. He died before the soap was cleared away. Consumed some Baltimore oysters and some London stoat that I have had locked up for five years. Went to the theater and was shot at three times in the first act. Had the entire audience hanged. Went home to bed and slept all night on tht roof of the palace.” 1 »" 1 % m —“Truth, crushed to earth, will rise again.” But if it be crushed to earth, it lies. And if it lies it cannot be truth. Therefore, it cannot rise again. —ls time is really money, any ought to b« worth his wait in gold.