Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 17, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 9 January 1880 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Ghate style—An open fire-plaoe. Ir one little mouse in the plural to slice. The plural of bouse should be certainly htoe. An African proverb says the idle are dead, but cannot be buried. Owe advertisement in the newspaper is worth two on the side of an old shed. —Norristown Herald. Farmer’s daughters are charming, and when they become old maids they are matchless.— lowa. Register. Ths light of experience has shown Tto no more fatal, alas! For a man to carelessly blow in the gun *. Than ’tts to blow out the gas. A horseshoe is considered a sign of good luck when you own about nine hundred pounds of good horseflesh on which to nail it Otherwise it works in better as old iron. “ How far is it to Butler, if I keep straight on!” “ Wall, if you’re agoin* to keep straight on, it’s about twentyfive thousand miles, but if you turn round t’other way it’s about half a mile!” Do not wait for luck to bear you on to fortune. If nothing turns up, roll up your sleeves and turn something up. Fortune and fame await the man who will pursue them with sufficient determination.—Des Moines Register. Nine out of every ten women in America buy their hair instead of raising it. Such a state of affairs should not exist in a country that annually spends thousands of dollars for the support of an Agricultural Bureau. The exploits of umbrella thieves in Philadelphia during the Grant week were exceedingly audacious. A man standing in the main hall of the Continental swinging an umbrella between his legs was relieved of all the public property he had. Before he could turn about the thief had vanished in the crowd. A pet dog fell into the hands of the [irofessors at the Detroit Medical Colege, who used him for vivisection. A part of the skull had been removed and some of his brains taken out when his master found him. The brute was put under curative treatment, and is recovering, but will never know as much as he did before the operation. “Do you raise pears in Louisiana, Mr. Sheridan?” said President Hayes to our genial Recorder of Deeds last week at the White House, while a delegation of horticulturists were present. “We do whenever we hold three of a kind,” replied the gentle George,--at which various of the fruit-growers smiled audibly.— N. O. Times.

Probably you never heard of a gingerbread barometer. A French editor nas one—a General in gingerbread. He buys one at a fair once a year and nails it to the wall at home. Damp weather softens and dry weather hardens gingerbread, and the editor can tell by touching the figure with his finger what kind of a day it is going to be. Just as he finished his little serenade, the moon came out from behind a cloud, and she, the mother of the moon of his heart, leaped to the window and upon him emptied about two gallons of cis-tern-water. “ After me the deluge,” he simply and prettily said; and, as he walked briskly away, the plashing aqueous in his light guitar made it sound as though he were carrying home a jug. Oh! that Monday could be postponed to the middle of the week. Everything foes wrong side up Monday morning, eonle get out of their bed in a huff, eat breakfast because they are obliged to, and come down town in a fit of the sulks. The fact i», Sunday just gives rest enough to ifi.ike a man feel the need of more, and Monday finds him mad because he can’t get it.— Chicago Times. A Hartford man’s excuse for stealing a pair of chickens was that while at work he hung his coat near the coop, and on going Tor it he found the chickent roosted on the same. He hadn’t the heart to wake them up, he said, so he wound his coat around them without waking them, and carried them off.. His defense was ingenious, but he was sent up for three months all the same.

Some Harvard students offered the printer 9300 for an advance copy of the questions to be submitted to them at an examination. The printer had completed the job and parted with the sheets; but he obtained an old set of questions, put them in type and struck off a proof, which he sold to the students for the 9300. They did not discover the double quality of the fraud until examination day. As a sedate old man entered a railroad car with his wife at Truro, Cal., a flask of whisky fell from his pocket. A passenger picked it up ana offered to return it. “O, it isn’t my husband’s,” the woman said, “he never drinks or carries liquor. “No, it’s not mine,” the man addled, uneasily. At the next station the couple left the train; but before it started the passengers were amused to see the old man come back to claim the flask. A witness in a case at Nashville was asked whether he had much experience in and knew the cost of feeding cattle, and to give his estimate of the cost of feeding a cow, to which he replied: “My father before me kept a dairy. I have had a great deal of experience in buying, and selling, and keeping cattle, as a man and boy, in the dairy business for fifty years. I think my long experience has qualified me to know as well as any man can the cost of keeping and feeding cattle.” “Well, broke in the attorney, impatiently, “tell me the cost of keeping a cow.” “Well, sir, my experience, after fifty, years in the business, is that it costs—well it depends entirely on how much you feed the cow.”