Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 15, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 26 December 1879 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

Millions in it —The Sub-Treasury. Now is a good time to lay in youi winter’s cold. “No place like oomb,” as the bee said to the honey. An occupation that can’t exist without strikes— Prize fighting. To avoid the first wrong, step, let yonr first step be a right one.’ . Lady (behind counter, to cabman)— “Pair of gloves? Yes. What is your number?” Cabman—“A hundred and ninety-three!” ’ Mamma —“Well, Rosie, whatdidyou have at your grandfather’s?” Rosie—- “ Lots of apples and pears, ma!—and some sweet cider —but it was so sour.” People are apt to be very generous with what costs nothing. Sidney Smith once said that most nicn are ready to aet the Good Samaritan, but without the oil and twopence. A Vermont pet lamb swallowed several balls of yarn, and it was not long before his lire became such a tangled skein that he could not unravel it, and had to shuttle off the mortal coil. Bulkins, referring to the time his wife complimented linn, says the coal fire needed replenishing, and she pointed toward the fireplace with a commanding air and said, “Peter, the grate.” Don’t tell your wife that sealskin sacques are going out of fashion. Her mind is definitely settled on that question, and she will reply that she is glad, for they will be so cheap. Louis Spirit. “You have got a treasure iu that woman, if she is my daughter,”' said a fond parent so a son-in-law on his wedding «iay. “ You just wait till the Sheriff calls and see what kind of a reception she will give him.” “Boy, may I inquire where Robinson’s drug store is?” “ Certainly, sir,” replied the boy, respectfully. “Well, sir,” said the gentleman, after waiting awhile, “ where is it?” “I have not the least idea,” said the urchin. A new use has been found for many a youth’s headpiece, the utility of which has heretofore been questionable. It is discovered that young men’s heads arc primarily intended to keep their neckties from slipping off’. At a social reunion a few evenings ago the question was asked, “Of what sort of fruit do a quarrelsome man and wife remind you?” The young lady who promptly answered “ A prickly pear” got tne medal.— Andrews' Bazar. A man is just as much afraid of the things in which he does not believe as he is of those in which lie does believe. No one believes in ghosts, and yet every one who goes through a dark room alone firmly expects one to catch him and carry him off.— N. Y. Herald. WnEN you see a young man in gorgeous apparel walking about the street with his arms hangmg in curves from his body, like the wings of an over-heated turkey on a summer’s day, it isn’t because he is in pain. It is because he has been “abroad.” —Lowell Courier.

An old darkey who peddles clams about town w r as heard to remark last week that a horse for which he had paid seventy-five cents had dropped dead in the shafts on the day after the purchase, and he wound up by saying, “l’se done now, and buys no more cheap bosses. I’s gwine to havo a good hos nex time if I have to go to llahway and pay four dollars for him.”—Newark Call. A certain young man brought his affianced down from the country to see the sights. One day while they were passing a confectioner’s, the swain noticed in the window a placard bearing the announcement* “ Ice cream—one dollar per gal.” “Well,” said the young man, as he walked into the saloon, “that’s a pretty steep price to charge for one gal; but, Maria, I’ll see von through, no matter what it costs. Here’s a dollar, waiter; ice cream for this gal.” “I’m the wild man from Borneo; a mild kangaroo from the wilds of Australia; an immense iceberg from Siberia; throw mo a man that 1 may devour him!” These wild and exaggerated statements came from the excited person of Joe McLaughlin, of Bodie. At the same time he displayed a siege gun that he captured in the last Fenian raid on Canada. , He was about to reduce the town to a state of perfect inutility when Officer Maestretti sat down on him and laid him out as flat as though a South American cyclone had struck him. Ho was put away on a spring mattress in the lock-up.—Ne-vwla Paper. In one of the Western States a case was tried, and at its termination the Judge charged the jury, and they retired for consultation. Hour after hour passed and no verdict was brought in. The Judge’s dinner hour arrived, and he became hungry and impatient. Upon inquiry he learned that one obstinate juryman was holding out against eleven. That he could not stand, and he ordered the twelve men to be brought before him. He told them that, in hischarge to them, he had so plainly stated the case and the law that the verdict ought to be unanimous, and the man who permitted his individual opinion to weigh against the judgment of eleven men of wisdom was mi fit aDd disqualified ever again to act in the capacity of juryman. At the end of this excited harangue a little squeaky voice came from one of the jurymen. He said, “ Judge, will your honor allow me to say a word?” Permission being given, he added: “May it please your honor, lam the only mash on your side.”— Louisville Courier-Journal. —“Stolen fruits may be the sweetest,” but when the small boy finds himself up an apple tree with a big dog at the foot, ana he discovers that the apples are sour, you can’t patch up his wounded feelings with any such taffy as that.— Oil City Derrick —One of the most interesting sights in life is that of a spiritual young lady sharpening a lead pencil with a tableknife.