Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 14, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 December 1879 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

A game leg—A batinch of venison. Nothing so quickly dries a woman’s tear as a kiss. A hot discussion frequently makes a cool friendship. How to acquire short-hand—Fool around a buzz-saw. The best time to gather apples is in the dark of the moon—when ths farmer is in his little bed. “ Now lay in your coal,” says an exchange. The man who would proffer such advice must be a fuel. A Utica bootblack who was driven out of that city claims consideration here as a polish refugee.— Syracuse Sunday Ttmcs. Mb. Seth Green is respectfully re3 nested to see if the oyster cannot be omesticated in church-fair stews, — Oincinruti* Commercial. Thkbb'b a love of beasts and a love of birds, And a love of the love-god’s wiles; But a love that knocks a pocket-book thin Is a love of the latest styles. —Andrew's Bazar. Outside speculators in Wall street were first called “lambs” by the Evening Post, for the reason that they gambol first and get sheared afterward. “We are living at present in the very arms of tyranny,” exclaims a Western scribe. Aha! just been married, have you?— Waterloo Observer. A little boy came to his mother recently and said, “Mamma, I should think that if I was made of dust, I should get muddy inside when I drink.” It is not strange that writers sometimes get puzzled in their choice between “ that,” “ which” and “who.” Relatives are always more or less troublesome.— Boston Transcript. A man at Dutch Flat, Cal., picked up a rock the other day to throw at a cow. The weight of it attracted his attention, and on examination it was found to contain over a hundred dollars in gold. A young woman turned up her nose, and said, with a sneer: “ I won’t marry a farmer.” That is a good arrangement for the farmer. If she had married him, he would be the one to regret it.— lowa State Register.

A Yankee woman recently married a Chinese laundryman, and in three days thereafter the unhappy Celestial appeared at a barber’s shop and ordered his pigtail to be cut off, saying, in explanation: “Too muchee yank/’ A newspaper writer advises poets to “ dive down deep into irrefragable and imperishable facts,” and thereby “ elevate themselves to the loftiest heights of sublime ideas and ennobling sentiment.” To “dive down deep” in order to “ elevate” one’s self is a poetio license.— N. Y. Mail. A THREE-YEAR-old little girl was taught to close her evening prayer, during the temporary absence of her father, with, “ And please watch over my papa.” It sounded very sweet, but the mother's amazement may be imagined when the child added, “ And you’d better keep an eye on mamma, too.” A young lady who had been married a little over a year wrote to her matter-of-fact old father, saying, “We have the dearest little cottage in the world; ornamented with the most charming little creepers you ever saw.” The old man read the letter and exclaimed, “Twins, by thunder.”— Keokuk Constitution. The Supreme Court of the District of Columbia has lately decided that common carriers, including railroads, express companies, etc., cannot release themselves from liability to pay full value for packages or property lost or destroyed by limiting in the receipt given for the goods the amount for which they propose to be liable. “I want to sell you an encyclopedia,” said a book agent to one of our foremost pork men the other day, who, by the way, is better posted on pork than he is on books. “What do I want with your encyclopedia’” snarled the pork man; “ I couldn’t ride one if I had it.” He thought it was a new variety of velocipede. Cincinnati Saturday Night. A Danbury boy was discovered to be “ playing hookey” yesterday by an uncle. He was working a velocipede in the suburbs. It was supposed by the uncle that the boy had taken advantage of his father’s being out of town for the day. But the young man denied the impeachment, and claimed that he stayed from school because of a sore heel—not sore enough to prevent working a velocipede, but too sore for study. —Danbury News. A gentleman who recently returned from an extended sojourn at Constantinople writes a furious letter to a Ban Francisco paper denouncing what are advertised as “ Turkish attendants” at the Hammam as imposters. He save he took a bath there the other day and began conversing with the rubber-down in his native language, which the correspondent speaks fluently. Instead of responding to the familiar accents of the Golden Horn the alleged Mussulman immediately turned the big cold hose on him under the impression that he was having a fit. The last straw that breaks the back of your patience in the apothecanr’s shop, after the polite pharmacist has carefully put your three cents’ worth of medicine into a ten-cent bottle, wrapped it up in two cents’ worth of paper, tied it with a cent’s worth of twine, and used up about five dollars’ worth of your time, is to have him light a small lamp and use up fifteen minutes more in sticking the parcel together with sealing-wax. Then, having, in a half-hour, gradually goaded you to frenzy, he blandly says, “ Only forty centa, sir V—Exchange.'