Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 10, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 November 1879 — SENSE AND NONSENSE. [ARTICLE]

SENSE AND NONSENSE.

No SLOUGH —A high hat. Girls, Naomi was 580 years old when she was married. It is not enough to remember the poor.— N. O. Picayune. All the lay preachers in the world will not make eggs cheap in cold weather.—N. O. Picayune. If you regard yourself as the guardian of your own honor be careful that your position is not a sinecure. — N. Y. Herald. The true theory of earthquakes is that set forth by Byron in “M&zeppa”: “Time at last sets all things heavin'.” —Keokuk Constitution. A man who habitually treats other men's wives more politely than he does his own will have to pay cash in advance at this office.— Wheeling Leader. Mrs. Perlenamel (looking in the mirror) — “Mercy! how pale ilook today!” Mrs. Tingletung —“Y-o-s; we shall have to forego many luxuries. I heard that paint had advanced. 1 * A Boston lady lost a pocketbook containing seven hundred dollars, and when an honest little fellow returned it to her she was so grateful that she gave him a great deal of good advice and didn't charge him a cent for it.— Buffalo Courier. “How far is it to Cub Creek?” asked a traveler of a Dutch woman. “Only shooßt a little vays.” “Is it four, six, eight or ten miles P” impatiently asked the stranger. “Yas, I dinks it is,” serenely replied the unmoved gate-keeper. “ I don’t see how you can have been working all day like a horse!” exclaimed the wife of a lawyer, her husband having declared that he had been thus working. “Well, my dear,” he replied, “ I’ve been drawing a conveyance all day, anyhow.” The potato-bug which recently produced devastation and terror is now found to be a useful little creature. When dried and powdered, about one and a third per centum of him is that valuable drug cantharadiue, the active pi inciple of tne blister-producing Spanish fly. It is very difficult for one to see the virtues of others unless he has some virtue iu himself. The bad man always suspects others of falsehood, and so overreaches himself; while the good man is apt to trust everybody, and so gets cheated. It is a funny world to live m, and yet we are all anxious to stay.— N. Y. Herald. X has the best kind of a reputation as an unrivaled liar. “Heis so much at home in lying,” said A, speaking of him, “ that whenever by mistake he tells the truth, he becomes confused and troubled.” “He's so great aliar,” said another of X\s friends, that you can’t even believe the contrary of what he tells you.”— Paris Xcw.yxiucr. ’ Entomologically speaking, the butterfly gets up from his grub and floats through the air with the greatest of ease. Physiologically speaking, the boy makes the butter fly by putting it down with his grub, with the greatest of grease. Scientifically considered, both are climatological. Please pass the butter, my well-bred friend. The other night at a London club some Americans were boasting about their inventions, and the wonderful machines to be found in the States. One of them told of the /well-known mincing machine which, a live pig being introduced at one end, turns out the animal in sausages at the other. An Irishman, who was not going to have the Yankees riding rough-shod over every other Nation, turned on them and said: “ Bedad, we’ve got the same machine in Ireland, only ours is more perfect, sure, for if you don’t like the sausages, you can put them back into the machine, and by reversing the action they’ll come out a live pig agin where he went in.” “ Talk about vour narrer ’scapes,” said Czardine, “I must tell you’bout the one I had. Ten years ago last winter I went out into the woods where bears and panthers was thicker than gum-chewers in a female academv. I soon got my eyes onto a big noble lookin’ bear. My gun had been loaded with a bigger charge of powder than usual. I just pulled a bead onto that bear and crack! went the rifle and over went the bear, while my gun just give one powerful kick which laid me out flat on the ground. But the best of the thing was this: I didn’t see a big panther which was on a bluff behind me, and as I shot the cuss jumped for me, only to meet the butt of my gun which was going his way, and the ugly varmint fell dead, with his skull crushed in by the gun-stock.”— Whitehall Times. Farm wages range all the way from $6.36 per month (by the year), with board, in South Carolina, to $35 in Nevada. The Southern States, as a rule, pay the least, and therefore will continue to be, as they have been, shunned by European immigrants. The highest average rates of wages are paid at the West. In the great farming States the monthly stipend, with board, is from sl4 to sls. In New England sll to sl2 is the current rate; m New York $13.19. All along the Pacific slope the farm laborer can earn nearly aouble this wage. But the cost of getting out there prevents the majority of European immigrants from crossing the continent. Most of the newcomers find their home in the middle tier of the Western States, and are content with the liberal, sure pay found there. Contrasted with the farm wages prevalent in the great West, those of Canada are not very enticing. In the great agricultural district of Ontario they range from $lO to sl3.— Des Moines {lowa) Register.