Rensselaer Republican, Volume 12, Number 7, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 October 1879 — John and Mary. [ARTICLE]

John and Mary.

Thet were husband and wife, and they looked tenderly at each other as they stood side by side: A man may smash the stove and things. And black a fond wife’s eye; And she may pound him with a club, But true love cannot die. “It was all a mistake,” explained Mary, as a beginning. “I can make oath it was,” added John. “It might have been,” said his Honor, “ but the officer says you were having a terrible row.” “Row, your HonorP” said Mary; “ why, we are thepeacefullest two folks on Division street!” “ I want to see the man who says I’d strike me darling!” added John, as he put his arm around her. “Didn’t you, sir, take an ax and smash the stove?” “ I—l did, your Honor, but why did I do it? Because, sir, the stove smoked, and I was giving it ventilation.” “ And you smashed the table and chairs?” “ Yes, I did, but they were old furniture, sir—awful old. I’d been trying to give them away, but nobody woulc have them.” “ Well, how did your wife get that black eye?” “How, sir? Why ” “ A sliver flew and hit me, of course,” she put in. “Yes, sir; a sliver flew and hit her, and I was about to run for the drug store when this policeman came in.” “ Well, I am glad you love each other •o dearly,” continued the Court as he picked up a benumbed house fly on the point of his pen. “ Mary can go home and pick up the chair legs and splinters and broken crockery, and you can go to the Work-House for thirty days.” “ Great guns, sir! but I shall die if I have to leave Mary that long!” “ And I can never, never live thirty days without seeing John!” “ Well, we’ll take the chances,” remarked the Court, and John was towed into the corridor to wait for the wagon. Mary shed a few tears, but after getting out doors she quickly recovered her composure, and said:

“ When I come to think it all over I guess it’s best, for poor John is extravagantly fond of eyes in mourn-isn^iti!<*onkey)-“Bo£ isn t tins very dangerous P” Boy “ Werry dangerous, indeed, marm; there was a lady a ridin’ np here last year, and the donkey fell, and the lady was chucked over the cliff and killed/’ Old lady —“Good gracious; was the donkey killed, tooP ls Boy—“No, marm; tiiat’s the Werry donkey.” London Fun. —A little girl passing the Washington statue lately asked a lady with her if Washington was buried there. “No,” said the lady. “ Where is he buried?” inquired the little girl- “I don’t know,” answered the lady. “Then I guess yon don’t read your Bible much,” said little innooenoe. —Newburypori Herald. —Sir Joshua Reynolds said, “A room hung with picture i* » room bung with thoughts,” 5