Rensselaer Journal, Volume 12, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 29 January 1903 — Our Man About Town [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Our Man About Town

Discourses on Many Subjects and Relates Sundry and Other Incidents.

Rensselaer boy was told the story of Washington, the father of his country, and how when a boy Washington cut down a oherry tree and then told his father all about it. “And now, my boy,” said the teacher, “what do you think of a boy like Washington?” “It may have been alright for Washington,” said the wise boy; “he maybe knowed he could work the old man, but if it had been my dad and Washington had been his boy I’ll bet a $4 pnp that the seoond time he out dowp a oherry tree he would have lied about it.” Moral: The same kind of a story won’t work in all oases. V ITIHE public is invited to sympathize ■*- with a quiet and retiring oitizen of Rensselaer who ocoupied a seat near the door of the crowded milk train Sunday evening. A masterful stout woman entered.

Having no newspaper behind which to hide, he was fixed and subjugated by her glittering eye. He rose and offered his place to her. Seating herself—without thanking him—she exclaimed in strident tones that reached to the farthest end of the car: “Say, what do you want to stand up there for? Gome here and sit on my lap.” “Madam,” gasped the man, as his faoe became scarlet, “I—l fear lam not deserving of such an honor.” “What do yon mean, you jake?” shrieked the woman. “You know very well I was speaking to my niece there behind you.” of the country school teachers w was surprised one day to find this legend on the blaok board: “Oar teaoher is a donkey.” With easy sang firoid he added the word “driver” with a piece of crayon and the “smart scholar” had the laugh turned on him. **»

local contributor with a proverbial genius for proverbs sends ns in a batch with the following letter: “Dear Ed.—l have thought a long time about Job’s Proverbs and I have come to the conclusion that this output does not fill modern demands at all, at all. I Inclose the following in hopes they will benefit Journal readers.

For lovers’ good night—Two heads make a close month to say nothing of a bad health. Shun the strange ways of a wild girl for at the last she stingeth worse than an adder, and tasteth unkinder than an old pipe. For nnfcra men—Two of a kind should not throw stones unless one expeoteth to get hit. For fleeing debtors—A friend in need will ride to the devil Indeed. For the morning sportsman—The early worm oatoheth the fish and the fisher catcheth cold. For musical parents—A whistling woman is an abomination unto the Lord and unto all her friends as well. For the merschaum—Where there is good smoke let there be good tobacco always. For the patent office—Procrastination is the mother of invention. For hungry tramps—Half a loaf Is better than a dear conscience. For beer drinkers—A new pitoher may go to the well often, Jnit an old can knoweth the corners better than china.

For the old maid—Let Joy be In thine heart; there are no fires to build in heaven, and there men may be had for three penoe. For old baohelors—Do not wear sorrow all day long, sunshine oometh in the morning and there will be no housekeepers bills—only a landlady’s V A well known local satirist thus speaks of the hustle and pash of the twentieth-oentary life: “Man’s business requires haste. The average business and professional man eats in a harry and gets dyspepsia. He walks in a hurry and gets apoplexy. He talks in a hurry and gets the lie. He does business in a hurry and becomes bankrupt. He reads in a hurry and is superficial. He voces in a hurry and produces corruption. He marries in a hurry and gets a divorce. He trains his children in a hurry and develops spendthrifts and criminals. He gets religion In a harry and forgets it In a great hurry. He makes his will in a hurry and leaves a legal oontest. He dies in a hurry and goes to the devil. And his tribe steadily increases!” *** ITIHE Town Philosopher shook the X moisture out of his beard, and said: If you would increase yonr happiness and prolong your life, forget your neighbor’s faults, Forget the slanders you may have heard. Forget the fault-finding and give little thought to the cause whioh provoked It. Forget the peculiarities of yonr friends, and only remember their good points which makes yon fond of them. Forget all personal quarrels or histories yon man have heard by acoident, and which if repeated, would seem a thousand times worse than they are. Blot ont as far as possible all the disagreeables of life, they will oome, but they will grow larger when you remember them, and the constant thought of the acts of meanness, or worse still, malioe, will only tend to make you more familiar with them. Obliterate everything disagreeable from yesterday; start out with a clean sheet today, and write upon it for sweet memory’s sake, only those things whioh are lovely and loveable.