Rensselaer Journal, Volume 12, Number 28, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 18 December 1902 — STORIES BY THE WAT. [ARTICLE]

STORIES BY THE WAT.

Thin Stories are Not All Sworn To—Bellevi as Much or Llttto aa You Pliasi. A Chicago woman has asked for a divoroe from a husband whom she married to prevent him from killing himself. She now no doubt hopes he may oarry ont his original intention. A Oburubusoo girl said that her lover had a soft plaoe in his heart for her because he olalmed to be always thinking of her. She was mistaken. A man does not think with his heart. The soft plaoe is In his head. ■ Pat had been out shooting, and was returning home when he was met by a friend. “Well, Pat, have you been successful?” he asked. “Share,” said Pat. “The only burrd I shot was a rabbit, and Ol knocked him down with a stick.” An Irishman and a Frenchman In LaOttowere disputing over the nationality of a friend of theirs. “I say,” laid the Frenchman, “that If he was born in France, he is'a Frenchman.” “Begorra,” said Pat, “if a cat should have kittens in the ovan, would you oall them bisonits?” “A man may be so bow legged chat his best girl oan’t sit on hts lap without a hammock, yet be an Infinitely better citizen than the walking fashion plate whose organism is so delicate that he dare not olean his finger nails for fear of taking cold. You oan’t always tell a man by his appearance or ooonpatlon. The biggest liar we ever knew was employed on a religions paper to write Sunday sohool stories about a ’good little Bobby and bad little Willie.’ ”

A Ft. Wayne man and woman who are to be married next month are rehearsing, not for the service, but for the escape from the guests who throw rice and old shoes. Every night at nine o'clock a carriage dashes to the house, and the man and woman make a flying leap to it, while the family, Impersonating guests, hurl every thing they can lay their hands on. The bride Is becoming so athletic that it is believed she will be able in a month to dear the front yard and steps to the street in three bounds.

Better than any silver-tongued thermometer or costly barometer Is an old, scratched np, lop-eared oat. If he eats grass it is a sign of rain; if he stands with his bis back to the stove look ont for oold weather; when he washes his face wash yours, for oompany Is coming; if he is nervous at the time he is usually sleepy, look to your lightning rod, an electrical storm is brewing. Everything he does is a sign of something. If you haven’t got a measly old oat yon had better get one at onoe. There was a look of despair on his face as he entered the room and threw himself on the lonnge, while moans broke from his 11 pa. His wife saw at onoe that something dreadful had happened. “Oh darling,” he gasped, “have pity on mel We,are penniless!” “Penniless!” she cried, “Oh, my husband! But lam a true wife, and ean go hack to typewriting. Only tell me where your money has gone. “Have you been gambling?” The wretched man placed his arm around her and gasped; “I—have—paid—the—ooal—bill!”