Rensselaer Journal, Volume 12, Number 19, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 16 October 1902 — Our Nan About Town [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

Our Nan About Town

Discourses on Many Subjects and Relates Sundry and Other Incidents.

Among the passengers on a Monon train coming from Chicago the other day was a gang of jolliers and a Barkley township citizen who wore jean trousers and had other marks of the hayseed about him. The jolliers were talking about gags and how easy it is to work them on the unsuspecting Reubens. “Gents,” said one, “I have a little scheme that has never failed. It is called the ‘Gold Brick Refused’ and may be worked on 99 farmers in every 100. I’ve made a study of the farmer from head to foot and I know him like a book. You all see this watch? It cost me S6O. If it had Waterbary works and a plated case and was worth about $2.991 could sell it to yon farmer in blue jeanß that just passed into the smoking car from this one. As it is straight goods it would scare the farmer to death to offer It to him for $6.”

“I think he’d snap it up,’* observed one of the boys. “That shows you are not posted. I’ll bet an even ten that I’ll offer this watch for a V and he will take me for a fakir and refuse to invest.” After some hesitation the stakes were put up, and, followed by two of the party the trick-worker proceeded to follow up our friend. The supposed Reuben was resting one cow-hide over the other and scanning a paper he had jnst purchased from the “news butcher.” “My friend,” began the trickster with a bland seductive air. “I have met a misfortune, and am obliged to”— “Hain’t got no money to give away,” interrupted the farmer. “I do not ask oharity. I have a fine watch here, which I wish to dispose of for cash to relieve my temporary embarrassment.’ ’ “Don’t want no wateh.” “Bat let me explain. Here is a fine timepiece worth |6O which I will sell for |6. Take it and look it over.” The farmer hesitated a moment then took the time-engine in his horny paw.

“I don’t claim to be the sharpest man in the world,” he said at last, bat Ido hate to be taken for a hayseed.” “My dear fellow, no one takes you for a hayseed. I simply want to sell yon my |6O watch for $6.” “Oh, that’s all, Is It? Wall, guess I’ll take yon.” He dropped the watch in his pocket fished up a greasy |6 bill and continued: “Half the wheels may be gone when I come to examine It, but a fellow most take some ohanches in this world.” Then the yonng jollier turned rad, white, bine and green in almost a second. He stuttered, stammered said that it was all a joke, but the “hayseed” smiled and road on oalmly. He just kept the watch and the Jollier found that he still had something to learn. He went baok quite crastfoUen. If he had only known that one of the Crowd knowing that be would likely spring the joke and having an aoqualntanoe with the ••hayseed** put him on before they got on the train bis ooofldlng heart would be still sorer.

A breezy inoident was that whioh occurred the other day in the office of a Polak, Louisiana, newspaper. The men called to force the editor to retract something that he had printed. Shooting began promptly, and as a result one of the visitors is in jail, another is In the hospital and the editor is still making copy at the old stand. The power of the press is bound to prevail even in the benighted south. V “Yes, unfortunately,” said alooal teacher to a primary class in geography, “about three-quarters of the earth’s surface is oovered by water. So, you see, there is comparatively little land for us to travel upon after all.” “Oh, don’t worry about that,” said a little girl confidently, i'my papa and President Roosevelt will put it all right as soon as they get time.”

They sawed off his arms and his legs, they took out his jngnlar vein, they put fanoy frills on his lungs, and they deftly extracted his brain; t’was a triumph of surgical skill, such as never was heard of till then; t’was the subject of lectures before conventions of medical men. The news of this wonderfrtl thing was heralded for and wide; bat as for the patient there’s nothing to say—be was an editor and conldn’t have died. V One of the local beaux who has been having a great deal of trouble with his girl who ia a bit of a flirt received an annonymoos note whleh contained the following good advice: “Dear Friend—Never give up; it’s a long lane that has no turn, and faint heart never won fair lady, as poor Richard or somebody else onoe said. Hero’s a bit of clipping which tells about another fellow’s tragedy. Maybe there’s a hint in it for yon. Read the posteorips any way. ‘He asked fair Maud to marry; by letter she replied. He road it, she’d refused him; he shot himself and died. He might have been alive now and she his happy bride, if he had road the postscript upon the other side. V The Town Philosopher took a fresh chew of tobaooo, hitohed np a suspender and then “let go” of the following: “Let us have all the self-culture we can get, bat let it not be without the law of service. There is no form of selfishness so impulsive, so hard, so cold and desperate, as that found along with self-culture when it does not open Into and become one with benevolence. There is-a good <Wi n* it abroad, and its Arotic chill Is not frequently encountered. Better ignorance, better untaught Instinct, than self-oulturo, when it ends with self. V The other day a really communicative and Intereating hobo oame strolling Into town over the Monon road. While waiting for the train we “draw him.out” and jotted down a few of bis views feeling tbal.possibly they would roadm in particular and humanity In general if they ware put to cold type.

“Wot I’d like ter see is de railroads wid newmatio tires, sos a feller cup travel, widout gettin' de rumpetybumds ov civilization. Tain’t arlsteroratic ter have yer jissard Jolted Inter yer skylight. Den wen I strikes a burg I’d like ter be writ up In de papees an’ have my pedigree put afore de publio eye. Den Pd like ter be a prophertsosl oud tell w’ere de next pokeont was a waitin’ fer me, sos we cud git tergeder at the earlles’ opportunity. Den I’d have all de water tanks along de route filled wid lava and de coal bunks wid punk, an’ I’d have mooshilage poured down de draok sos de gravel wudn’t oemect wid yer visage w’eu yer bummin’ de draoks er de rods. Den I’d like ter have de faolety uvinwislbility (I foun’ dat in de dltohinnery) sos I oud sit In de eaboose wid de brakees an git seoond from delr pipes widout bein’ tol ter hit de grit. An den fer de las’ t’lng ter make me pairadice complete I’d like ter see de legislator give all de worn out bums a pension an’ approperate money fer a home of der aged. Daf s all. I don’t want deers.” V A party of girls were having a oonfab down on the corner the other

evening after school. Evidently one of them was seriously displeased. “Why weren’t you invited to the party?” one of the hearers asked. “Why? the spiteftil thing! I don’t know.” “The So-and-so girls were there.” "1 know it, and they are the meanest, most gossipy girls in town. They Just never have a word to say but what they say it wrong. I just guess I'm every whit as good as they are any old day.” She wondered why the other girls laughed at her at this point.