Rensselaer Journal, Volume 12, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 July 1902 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

Discusses Sundry and Other Matters.

Encourage everybody to call you by your first name, because after you are fifty it will be forgotten. * * *

A certain man says of his father-in-law, who has been sick a long time, that he is about due to take a ride in the glass wagon. ***

The other day we saw an old-fash-ioned man who had injured his hand and he tied on a piece of tat meat. His hand was well in a week, but the doctors refuse to recognize him because he is not a “regular.” * #

An old man in this town told us the other day that he admires handsome girls a great deal more than he used to when he was young, because he has nothing else to do now and he can devote his time to admiring them. * *

A mechanic in this town says he does no talking about any of his competitors, but some of them talk about him and run down his work. He says it does not worry him in the least, as it advertises his business. When a man talks about his competitor people want to see what kind of a man he is and they patronize him just to find out. * • *

We heard a man make a concession last week that may seem to be rather liberal, and yet yon hear people make the same every day. He said, we all have our faults, but why does nobody ever say: “I know I have my faults”? But we always include everybody else and say: “We all have our faults.” We are so queer. * * *

A member of a very stingy man’s family was ill. She craved an egg, and some of the neighbors said Bhe must have an egg. It was mentioned to her father, who was a rich man, but he objected. He said: “What’s the use. We have warmed an egg over three times already and she won’t eat it.” # * *

We saw a man the other day who was very thin in flesh. We asked him what was the matter. We supposed he must have had a very sick spell. He said, he had not been sick, but be had been doing so much hard thinking that it made him poor in flesh. Thinking is very hard work for some people. * * *

Book ggents have a new wrinkle. They have a pocket made to fit under their coats and they come into your office without exciting your suspicions because you do not see a book. This is the theory, but it will not work in practice, because we can tell a book agent as far as we can see him. They all look alike to us. * * *

The old saying: “A dog that will carry a loose bone to your house will also carry one away,” shows pretty conclusively that the author of the above adage was a profound student of human nature. When a person comes to your house and spins you a yarn about the shortcomings of others, you just sit still and play deaf and dumb—that is, unless you prefer to boot the critter off the premises—for rest assured you will come in for your share of abuse the next time your neighbor calls on his or her next door neighbor. * % *

Twenty seven years ago Mrs. Semantha Ambergris, a quiet, modest seamstress residing in Walnut Grove, 111., was sewing a button on her husband’s trousers. Having occasion to thread a needle, she held it between her lips while she looked for a spool of thread. Just then she sneezed violently and the needle disappeared; nor could she find it after the most prolonged search. The incident passed entirely out of her mind. One day last week, however, Mrs. Ambergis, who is now an elderly woman, felt a tingling sensation in the middle finger of her left hand. She looked at the finger and saw something small and sharp protruding from the skin. Applying a pair of tweezers, she pulled It out. It proved to be a splinted she had accidentally run into her finger the day before while cleaning house. Rub-ber.