Rensselaer Journal, Volume 12, Number 2, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 19 June 1902 — Our Man About Town, [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town,

Di«cui»es Sundry and Other Matters.

An old-fashioned man said of a preacher the other day that “he likes his bee! pretty well.” When have you heard an expression of that kind ? < • * * One of our friends says he wouldlike to buy a typewriter. He could use it very satisfactorily in his business, but he says he is such a poor speller that he is afraid to write on a typewriter. What he aught to do is to get a typewriter that can spell. * * One of our citizens is so stingy that he never takes a drink unless somebody buys the booze for him, but when somebody else buys it he likes it so well that he gets full. The other day he was out of town and another man bought beer for him till he got silly drunk. A little girl was asked what kind of roses her mother had and she replied, “Tea roses.” The visitor asked: “Why do you call them tea roses?” “Well,” said the little tot, “we call them tea roses because they smell like coffee.” There, now; will you be good? * * A woman was telling a friend that she went on an excursion train in order to save several dollars car fare. “Yes,” said the lady friend, “three dollars is worth saving, especially if you haven't much money.” That was frank but who wants to be told be hasn’t any money to speak of? -V We have got even with Senator Dolliver. He does not read the Journal but we got even at last. He sent us his speech on the Philippines last week, and we fired it into the waste basket. My, it was a lot of satisfaction to torn him down! We had read the speech beforehand, but you needn’t tell him that.

One of our business men says he j has the worst trouble in the world keeping his landlord from making all | sorts of improvements. He never! dares even so much as suggest anything that he wou’d like to have for fear the landlord will go strlghtway and get it. This is a splendid story if it were not such an untrue one. V A Rensselaerite who takes a daily walk for his health, also goes walking on the Lord’s day. Every Sunday morning finds him out for bis const! tntional, and he is so slow that be always gets to Church late on Sunday morning. He is so regularlj’ late that folks sec their clocks by him. He is always thirty minutes behind the clock. Here is a slang phrase that we submit as being more effective than Webster’s dictionary English. When a fellow is off in his think words, but not quite crazy enough for the Board of Insanity commissioners to sit on his case, we say he is “Bughouse.” It doesn’t mean helplessly crazy, but just bad enough to be a bore. Are you “bughouse ?” *»* A woman who has been losing her young chickens by the depredations of cats offered a reward of twenty five cents for every oat that was killed about the premises. She is in dire trouble now*. A boy half killed two cats, and now she does not know whether she ought to pay a quarter, counting the two half dead cats as one dead one, or whether she ought to pay nothing because neither is quite dead. The other day we saw a woman buying a book with a padded cover. She asked for a good book and the clerk got her the newest and the best book in the store, but she did not want it. He asked her what she preferred, and she said she wanted a book with a padded cover. He got her an bld book of uninteresting poemsand she bought it. She did not care a cent for the reading matter, but what she wanted was the padded cover and back. Now, how is that for literary taste? We never before knew that

anybody ever was foolish enough to buy books with padded backs. This world has all kinds of people in it, which is a good thing or the padded books would remain a tremendous drug on the market. V A certain church member got mad at his church and asked for his letter so he could leave and go to another chuich. The pastor was so .glad to get him out that he urged the proper authorities to give him his letter be fore he could change his mind. He got the letter so easily and so quickly that he doesn’t know yet what struck him, but he is beginning to think this is a mighty cold world and that he is not as Important as he thought. It is not always safe to ask for your church letter unless you are dead sure that you want It. There are a good many others who could get their lettera without any trouble. Miss L. May Bennett was given a birthday dinner on Tuesday at the home of her parents, Mr. and Mrs. J. B. Clemans, of Shelby. The occasion was Miss Bennett’s twenty-first birthday. She was the recipient of many valuable and useful presents. Miss Bennett, who is a mute, was educated at the Institution for the Deaf at Indianapolis. She is a lady of attractive appearance and is possessed of considerable wealth, being the sole owner of a good farm and a good bank account—Thayer Shelby News,