Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 43, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 3 April 1902 — Our Man About Town, [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town,

m Discusses 1 Sundry land Other Matters.

We heard a traveling man, the other day, tell about two hotels that are so bad no odds whioh one you go to, you will wish you had gone to the other one. V • What has become of all the people who used to wear tan shoes ? V We heard of an orchestra leader the other day who bethought himself of a new scheme. In a piece of music the orchestra wanted to play was a rather difficult strain that he could never get just right, so in order to avoid confusion, he would have an accident with his music stand every time he saw the trouble loom up in the distance. By the time he would get the music stand on its feet again the shoals and rocks and breakers would be past and no one was any the wiser, exoept the rest of the players, who always laughed about it and do yet. *** There is a man in this town so utterly worthless and no account and trifling that the women folks are lying awake nights wishing something would happen to him. V The expression, “As proud as a boy with his first pair of boots,” will have to be changed. They all wear shoes. V When have you heard the expression, “as poor as a church mouse ?” *** A number of people iu this town are allowing little children to have beaus, and some day they will wonder how it comes that they can do nothing with them. %* A very short man once went with a tall girl, and at the opera house folks could not help looking at them. At an entertainment one night, a woman sitting right in front of the couple had on a big hat, and she asked the short fellow if her hat obscured the view of the stage. He suspected that it was a stab at his stature and promptly replied that it did not, although he knew he was lying. He had to lean away out into the aisle all through the show to see around the big hat, and yet he never complained. His neck was stiff for a Week, but he had not admitted that he was short. * * * A man in this town /says he will often carry a letter in his pocket a whole day without opening it. He says he has so little business that he knows nobody will write him letters of any importance. V

A man in this town says he does not read the Ladies’ Home Journal and, therefore, is not up in etiquette, but if it says pie should be eaten with a knife he would pay no attention to it. All he cares for is to get the pie. V A barber says put a man’s hat on his head for him, and ninety-nine times out of a hundred he will change it, no matter how hard you try to put it on his head just as he would. *** A woman in this town baked some cake and forgot to put sugar into it. That day her husband brought company for dinner, and she was so char grined she did not know what to do about it. When the stranger was gone she told her husband what she thought of him for bringing company, but as the doors were closed nobody heard what she said. All he said was that he could not tell when she was going to forget to sweeten the cake. * A man asked f us the other day if we ever got the blues. It was such a funny question that it set us to thinking. We wondered if there were anybody who did not get the blues. We only know two persons who never get the blues. One is a book agent and the other works up lodges. *** A woman in this town was in the habit of making her husband’s shirts. Being somewhat particular, he always kicked on the fit. He said the shirts never felt comfortable and he objected so much that presently she told him, “All right, you can get your shirts

made and pay for the work.” It was agreed that he would pay for the making., He told his wife to get some good seamstress to make his shirts. She pretended to do so, and ever since she makes his shirts, unknown to him and charges him twenty-five oents a piece. He likes the fit so well that he often oompliments the woman who makes them and he has not complained about the fit since the new arrangement. Whioh shows that most men do not appreciate anything that comes too oheap.