Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 42, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 March 1902 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

w Discusses J Sundry ! and ] Other g Matters.

A name does not amount to anything. The homliest girl in this town has a beautiful {lame. V When the snow goes away in the spring, all the bad spots in the earth show up, whioh reminds one of a man’s character. After the veneering is off, all the evil spots show up. V Here is about the worst story told by a sexton we ever heard, and sextons are noted for telling gruesome stories. A very stingy man had died and the sexton who had the grave digging to do said he expected to wait a little while after the services till the people got away, in the hope that the dead man would get out of his grave and cover it himself to sqyQ the cost of the sexton. V

A woman in this town was writing to a friend, and as she did not have a ready letter writer at hand, she began the epistle in the natural lorm, hut not acoording to the Ladies’ Home Journal. She wrote the opening: “I take my pen in hand fcQ write you a few lines.” WWV§ry torching and no doshfr appropriate, but tfc e fnn -~7 tiling was, she used a lead peii' cil all the way through. V '

How many times did you hear, “March came in like a lion, and, therefore, it ought to go out like a lamb?” Which shows that people ire well satisfied with old things and originate very few new ones. Next March they will Say the same things about it, and they wili keep it up for a thousand years. If you think you are so smart, why don’t you invent something really new to say? V

A three-cornered misunderstanding is going on. It could hardly be called a quarrel, for neither wanted to quarrel. And to get up a quarrel it takes several who are anxious for it. Two of the men were suspected of doing the third man dirt. The injured man saj s he got a lot of fVm out of it by hearing eaoh one tell that it was the other who was not doing the right thing. That.is human nature, always putting the blame on some one else. • » * A man in this town, who rarely ever misses a night going down town, now stays at home at least one night in the week. His wife joined a lodge and she goes a night in every week. On that night her husband could not be driven out of the house by a fire alarm. He sits at home and will not go to bed nor read nor think of anything but of how lonesome he is, and all the rest of the family laugh at him, but it does no good. He is opposed to woman suffrage.

Here is another SOxton story. A man was dead and was lving in the kitchen of his humble home. The wife was found by the neighbors, who came in tooflfer their services, busy, fryi“K some rare old side meat. In explanation, she said her man always liked fat pork so well that she thought she would fry some of the meat, and if he smelled the oooking and did not wake up, then she knew for certain that be was dead. * ■ A Mississippi nigger by the name of Triggs has nine children named as follows: Edmond Wilding Triggs, Lucius O’Trlgger Triggs, Trilobite Triggs, Standard O. Triggs, Anti-Doggerel Triggs, Oscarette Triggs, E. Nuff Triggs, Dogger L. Triggs, Midway Plaisance Triggs. V There are some queer testimonials published, rhe cure-alls find followers everywhere. Following are a few that have caught the attention of the editor of an exchange: One man said:. **l was born baldheaded and couldn’t spell hair until I came across Dr. Knob’s restorative., I bought a bottle,"and in going home fell into a briar patch and broke the bottle and the next day the thicket was full of hairs.” Here’s another that is simple and beautiful: “During five years of my

life I had only one leg. I consulted numerous physicians, but they did me no good. Finally I consulted Dr. and he pulled my one leg until now it is long enough for three.” This is from a man who appears to have been badly off I lost all my blood in a sausage faotory, and nothing did me any good , until I took Dr. Qore’s remedy and found snoh improvement in my blood, that since then my daughter has joined the Colonial Dames.” The Rev. Dr. Nod writes: “For a number of years I suffered from insomania, but after using two bottles of your famous remedy I put my congregation to sleep.” Here is one from a woman who now appears in a fair state of health: “I was so lean that I could have traveled as the living skeleton, but I took eight bottles of your medioine and now have so mnoh flesh that when I go to a theater they think I am a box party,