Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 41, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 20 March 1902 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

w Discusses 1 Sundry f and j Other Matters.

We have received a note from England asking us to be sure to come over to see the king crowned. But we can’t go unless we can discount the note. An exchange refers in its head lines to “Fourteen Sad Funerals.” It does seem queer that among so many of them there wasn’t even one that was hilariously jolly. Wisconsin reports a “wild man” who lives in the woods and wears a shirt. This is probably the “new man” but he certainly shows good judgment in staying in the woods. %* A Florida dispatch says that a picnlcing party down there “was pursued the other day by a snake which in diameter resembled a beer barrel.” Perhaps it was. :* ♦ « A woman in thia town had some trouble with her false teeth, so she sent them to her dentist for repairs. When they were returned they did not fit and she was afraid they were not her own, so she would not use them. What if they had been some tobacco chewer’s teeth, and she would have taken a chew and thus set her to chewing the weed? Or, if she had got hold of a man’s teeth who was a profane man, and they would have started her to swearing, what a humiliating thing it would have been. Thus, we sometimes escape by a narrow margin, and may escape by the skin of somebody else’s teeth. * * * Not long since a Missouri editor announced that for just one issue he would tell the truth, naked and unvarnished. That is, the truth was to be naked aud unvarnished. Here are a few items from the issue: “John Bonion, the laziest merchant in town, made a trip to Bellwood yesterday. Jack Carey made a business trip to the county seat yesterday. Everybody thinks it was for a marriage license. Married—Miss Slvia Rhodes tp James Carnhan, last Saturday evening at the Baptist parsonage. The bride is a very ordinary town girl who doesn’t know any more than a rabbit about cooking, and never helped her poor old mother three days of her life. She is not beautiful by any means and has a gait like a fat duck. The groom is well known here as an up-to-date loafer, has been living off the old folks all his life and don’t amount to shucks no how. They will have a hard life while they live together and the News hastens to extend absolutely no congratulations for we don’t believe any good can come from such a union. John Doyle, our groceryman, is doing a poor business. His store is dirty, dusty and noxiously, odoriferous. He doesn’t advertise nor treat people courteously. How can he expect to do much. Rev. Styx preached Sunday night on “charity.” The sermon was punk. If the reverend gentleman would live up a little closer to what he preaches he’d have a bigger congregation. The editor of this sheet attends just because it is proper thing. He would rather stay at home and read a good book. Prpf. Jayson has started a debating society to teach the pupils to appear well before an audience, so he says. Everybody believes to air his own knowledge. Joel Manning has announced himself a candidate for the legislature. Joel is a good hearted fellow and honest, but he really doesn’t know much. In button holeing us the other day for a puff in the paper he said he’d pay up two years- in advance on his “description” and vote for the “initio referedummy” if he were elected. Dave Sonkey died last Saturday morning at his home in this place. The doctor gave out that it was heart failure. The fact is he was drunk and whiskey’s what killed him; and his “home” was a rented shack on Rowdy street. Op press day of this particular issue, the editor of the paper left the city for a two days’ visit tp let the old town cool off and for a whole week longer went home through the back alley.” ,