Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 34, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 30 January 1902 — WITH THE JOKERS [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

WITH THE JOKERS

"Hello, Charley, I haven't seen you since I was married!” said a newly married man to a friend he chanced to meet down on Main street. “No,” replied the friend, “you have been so devoted to home of late that no one has seen you.” “Yes; I don’t hang around like I used to.” “You are just like 1 was,” said the other, .who had been married for some years, "just found the society of the wife enough, eh?” “Yes; we do not tire of each other." “Just like I was. 1 suppose you think it will never change, eh? Just always will be the same, I suppose?" “I don’t think I will change." "Just like 1 was. I suppose she has not asked you for a >SO suit when you only had >25 the day before pay day?" “No, of course not." "You just wait!" and he turned on his heel and walked oft dovzn the street.

How It Work*. “There," he said,’“you have your new hat at last.” "Yes,” she replied, "and now I want a new gown." "But it was when you got your last new gown that you began to insist upon a hat to go with it,” he protested. "True." she admitted, "but the gown has got shabby while I was waiting for the hat. You should have let me got them both together.” "What would have been the result?” he asked. Here she hesitated, for she was a truthful woman. "Well," she said, "I suppose they would both have been so shabby by this time that I would want a new hat and a new gown.” He gave a sigh of relief. “In that case,” he said, "I have lost nothing by falling to get them bbth together, and we will try the see-saw method awhile longer.”— Chicago Post. Katherine'* Query. Little Katherine, a Columbus tot, was presented with a very cunning pair of white wool mittens not long ago, which she delights to wear whenever she goes out in tho cold. Recently her father entertained a gentleman who had a very bald head. The guest made much over Katherine, and before he departed into the chilly night begged a kiss. As he lifted her up, she saw for the first time his expanse of bald head and asked, archly: "Why don't oo wear mittens on oor head?” Old Adage Proved True. “I got my start in life by picking up a pin. 1 had been refused employ-, ment by a merchant, and on my way out I saw a pin and " "I know; I’ve heard of that boy so often! The merchant was impressed with your carefulness and called you back and made you head of the firm!" "No. I saw the pin nnd picked it up, and sold It for >SOO. It was a diamond pin.” Cairte end Effect. Maude—l met young Borerr. this morning and he informed me that he had called on you a few evenings ago. Clara—Yes. What did he say about me? Maude—Oh, nothing In particular. 'He said you wore a nice girl, but lacked repose. Clara—Well, that Isn't my fault. If he’d go home earlier when he calls I’d get more repose. Thing* Ara Not Wliat. They Seem.

Jones (after having walked round the statue four times with considerable difficulty)—The villains! They’ve shut me, in here.

Not •• He Knew Else. "I say, is this here the novel you advised me to read?” said the cabman to the librarian. "Yes,” replied the librarian. "That’s the one.” "Weil,” said the cabman, “you can just take it back. There’s nine people in the first, four chapters who hired cabs, and each of ’em when he got out ‘flung his purse to the driver.’ Now. when 1 want that sort of literature I’ll go to Jules Verne and get it pure." Never to He Forgotten. Mr. and Mrs. Snob held an "at home” at their house on the occasion of their return from a winter tour on the continent. Tlyey were very proud of their trip, and Mrs. Snob was continually asking her husband about this, that, or the other glorious bit of scenery.

"And. O, the gorge at Andermatt!” she exclaimed. “You haven’t forgot that lovely gorge, have you, Harry?”

"The gorge at the Grand hotel?" drawled Henry, wearily. "By no means. I’ll remember that gorge to my dying day. Why, bless me. it was the only square meal I had in Switzerland.”

Her Mind Mede Cp. Salesman: So fortunate. lady! I here have been no less than twenty ladles in to-day asking for this hat. They saw it yesterday before you bought It. you know, and they are all of them just wild to get It. Lucky Customer: Come to think of it, I’ll take that hat home. I don’t know whether to keep it or not. I’ll think it over. Slightly Personal.

Slender Individual—Did I understand you to say, sir, that you get out at the next station? Stout Party—Yes, I did. sir—and what of it? Slender Individual (with great re-lief)—Ah-h-h! the train’ll be getting on faster after that.

No Engagement. Patience—Then you say they are not engaged, after all? Patrice—No, it was all a mistake. Yon see, he proposed while they were out horseback riding. "Yes, I heard that." "Well, he thought she was jumping at hls proposal, but she never can help jumping when she’s on a horse." Bringing Her Down. The Prospective Cook—What time do yez hov oreakfast? Mistress—We have tt at seven. No response. Mistress—Or half-past seven, or eight, or half-past eight. The Prospective Cook—Thot’s better. 01’11 give yez a wake’s thrlal.—Judge. Not Sentiment at All. "Miss Wallflower is much more sentimental than 1 thought. She keeps every letter that old lover of hers writes hoi.” “That isn’t sentimental, my dear; it Is good, hard, breach-of-promlse sense.” Helect«<l Wit. He—Don’t you think a month is too long for our wedding trip? She—Why. no. I’ll take care that you don't understand me by that time.—Brooklyn Life. "How ridiculous for you to fall in love with that artist! I don’t believe he ever sold a picture.” "But, papa, he says If he marries me he won’t have to.”—Life.

“Is a diplomat ever justified in using prevarication?” asked his friend. "Well,” said the diplomat, “he is certainly not justified in calling it by that name."—Puck. "Well, thank Heaven, you’ve never seen me run after people who have money.” “No; but I’ve seen people run after you because you didn't have money.”—Stray Stories. Clara—Clarence, what did Laura’s new Paris hat look like? ClarenceWell, it had one of these big black hearse things on each corner, and one In the middle.—Detroit Free Press. Stranger (In Kern county)—ls this county noted for anything besides its oil wells? Native—Lord, yes! Ever since we struck oil It's been noted for its "beautiful debutantes" and "queenly matrons.”—Puck. Mrs. Crawford—How did you come to ask your husband for an auto? Mrs. Crabshaw—While I knew he would refuse, I hoped he might compromise on an automobile coat. That was what I really wanted.—Judge. Mrs. Crabshaw—At New Year you’re ready enough to swear off what I ask you. but you never keep your promises. Crabshaw—That’s your fault, my dear. Why don't you furnish me resolutions that are warranted not to break?—Judge. "You’re a fraud, sir," cried the indignant patient. "You guaranteed your medicine to cure after everything else failed, and ” “Well, my dear sir.” replied the fake medicine man. "probably you haven't tried everything else.’’—Philadelphia Press. "Yes,” said the Fairy Prince, “you may have whatever you want for a Christmas present.” "I will choose,” said the Fortunate Person, "either a wife or an automobile." “How foolish!” exclaimed the Fairy Prince. ‘Why do you not select something that you can manage?”—Baltimore American. The country roads of the United States do not compare favorably with those of any nation in Europe. During the spring season in many districts of the Western States the roads are practically impassabla.