Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 30, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 2 January 1902 — CONDENSED STORIES. [ARTICLE]

CONDENSED STORIES.

What has become of Colonel Bryan’s prediction that if the republican party was successful, corn would go to 10 cents a bushel? As soon as Senator Hoar gets his anarchist colony established he proposes to turn his attention to lynching with an effort to make it punishable by the federal courts. Porto Rico has a law against conspiring to raise wages. That might not prove such a bad thing if she would only enact another against conspiring to reduce them.

Democratic sympathy for the little brown men of the Philippines is particularly touching in view of democratic efforts to exclude from suffrage the big black men of the south, and without the consent of the governed too If Emperer William really desires to put a stop to duelling in the army he can accomplish it by making the survivor responsible for damages to his victim’s family and relatives. Such a course has proved efficacious in France. Someone has remarked that civilizing the Philippines will prove to be a hundred year job. Perhaps it will but that is all the more reason why we should be at it early and late. Who so putteth his hand to the plow and looketh back is not worthy of his time.

The little school boy who answered “Santa Clause” to the question “Who discovered America?” was simply an example of the mental condition of the average youngster at this season of the year. THBtChicago judge who imprisoned two newspaper men for criticism of his decision may have gone too far but it is a question if newspapers do not occasionally err in the r strictures on 'judicial acts. Their course 18 likely to detract from the respect due ’to law. Professor Albion Small, of the University of Chicago, says that no man has an earning capacity in excess of $50,000 per annum, and no man can properly raise a family on less than SI,OOO per annum. He would have all wages adjusted between these figures. - The President’s check for $lO, donated to a church fair, recently sold for SSO. A handkerchief Mrs. Roosevelt sent to the Ladies’ Aid Society of a New York town sold at auction for $30.50. If Mr. Roosevelt would contribute a few frayed collars to a rummage sale they would doubtless bring $lO apiece. A prominent citizen of Washington called at the White House recently with a colored man who had served a term for libel and whom he wished to recommend for appointment. “Mr. President, do you remember Mr. Blank?” he said. “Very well. I remember his jail record too” replied the president, in his usual stentorian tone.

Mr. Gillette’s Clever Description of How to Make a Play. Wu Ting Fang, his excellency the Chinese minister, on one occasion ' listened with intense approval and much industry of thought to William Gillette’s performance of his own play, “Secret Service,” and asked in reverential courtesy to be presented to the author-actor, says Short Stories. Into Mr. Gillette’s 4 by 6 milk white dressing room crowded his excellency and his suit, all bowing gracefully and unrolling their little tan hands from silk sleeves to be clasped in Gillette’s firm American grasp. “Do you work this way every night for many weeks?” asked the diplomat, driving a piercing glance at Mr. Gillette. “Yes; many months, and years if people will stand it,” quoth Sir William of Manhattan. “How do you make this sort of a play—so beautiful a story—not interfered with in any way by the characters ?” To this question Mr. Gillette could not unfold an impromptu drama recipe, so he took refuge in the ambush of the special Gillette wit in its solemn vein of boyishness and answered: “The best way is to write your play first and then chuck in the characters where they do the least harm.” He Had Two. Out on Lexington avenue a cable car ■topped at the signal of a man by the wayside. The man was bareheaded and carried a baby on his arm. By his side stood a woman. As the grip car halted the conductor swung from the front platform of the trailer and stepped quickly forward to aid in the loading. But the man with his disengaged arm assisted the woman to mount the steps. Then the conductor reached forward and grabbed the baby, evidently intending to pass it to the woman. “No you don’t,” said the. bareheaded man, as he quickly backed away. “Get one of your own.” "Posh,” cried the grinning conductor, "I’ve got two! All right!” And the car rolled on. His Fondness. Miss Jimplecute—Are you fond of animals, Mr. Wyndham? Mr. Wyndham —Well, I like ayxing lamb.—Somerville Journal.