Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 27, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 12 December 1901 — CONDENSED STORIFS. [ARTICLE]

CONDENSED STORIFS.

Witty Sayings of a Celebrated Irish Judge. In a trial for assault before Judge Morris, a celebrated Irish judge who died recently, an eloquent lawyer addressed the jury at great length to prove that his client had not battered the prosecutor. All during this speech Lord Morris was turning over the pages of a railway guide. At last the barrister sat down, declaring that he would not call any evidence. “Gentlemen of the jury,” said the judge, “I have computed that the young gentleman who has made the interesting and beautiful speech that we have all enjoyed was I§B miles away from the scene of this brutal assault when it was committed. He is the only witness for the defense. On the other hand, there is the man who was struck, the man who saw him struck and the constable who saw him hiding under his bed. It is for you to say whether a broken head or an outburst of eloquence is the better testimony to a matter of fact.” At another time, in a sanitary case, a lawyer once said, “I assume that your lordship is fully acquainted with the statutes and authorities.” “Assume nothing of the sort,” said the judge. “I yield to no man in my utter ignorance of sanitary law.” One of the most characteristic of Lord Morris’ sayings has yet to be related. There was son*? discussion on theological matters at a club in Dublin and one of the disputants was ironical over what he called the credulity of educated Catholics. He' admired it, he said, as something entirely beyond his own powers. Lord Morris broke in with his great brogue: “Ah, now, ve think yerself a line intelligence because ye can ■ only believe this and believe that. I’ll tell ye now, I’ll send out to the public house at the corner and for sixpence I’ll get ye a fellow that doesn’t believe the lalf of it.”