Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 25, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 28 November 1901 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

Discusses Sundry and Other Matters.

> A widower in this town said the other day: “I ain a firm believer in only one marriage.” A woman who heard of it, said, ‘‘Ah, getting ready for a second match.” An old maid In this town is reading a book entitled “An Unloved Wife,” and she enjoys it out of sight, for if there is anything an old maid likes it is to hear of an unloved wife. * * • ’ . * A Rensselaer oitizen left his wife the other day, giving as a reason that he caught her with a stolen turkey in her possession. As she has a mania for taking any property that she can get her hands on, perhaps hels to be excused for leaving her. * « * A woman was taking her baby to church about the first time. The baby had reached a considerable size. The child asked its mama. “What church are we going to?” “To my church.” “It’s part mine, too, mama ” And yet people wonder where prejudice comes from. * « * Talking of stingy people, a man went into a grocery store last Saturday and dickered for a dime’s wortli of celery. It was selling ihree bunches for a dime. He examined the celery and consumed a quarter’s worth of the dealer’s time, for customers were waiting. He examined it carefully and found one bunch that was not perfectly good. He objected, and asked if he could not sell it a little cheaper, and because the grocer could not, the stingy nlan walked out and did not take the celery. That man needs watching after night, or he will go and chisel the letters off his mother’s tomb stone. * * * This is told on a housewife living uear the railroad. On a hot day last fall she was boiling apple butter in a big kettle out of doors. She was stirring it faithfully, as becomes one who knows how to do it right. The apple butter sputtered and puffed out of the kettle and landed in her slippers, which were low necked, and which she wore without any stockings. What was the use when it was such hot weather ? She took off her slippers and taking the apple butter out careftilly poured It back into the kettle and went on Btirring as regularly as Mrs. DeFarge knitting, in the “Tale of Two cities.” And why shouldn’t she save the apple butter? Her feet were clean. V

Recently a strange minister came to this county to dedicate a new church. At its conclusion he came to Rensselaer to spend the night with a brother minister. He packed his grip and left at an early hour the next morning. When the Rensselaer preacher went to look fer his bible be found that it was missing, and could not imagine who had taken it. Later he received the missing property by express and a touching letter from the minister whom he had entertained, apologizing for appropriating the missing property. He compared himself to Jean' Valgean in “Les Miserables,” who rewarded the bißhop for entertaining him by stealing the bishop’s silverware And leaving before daylight. It is to be hoped that bis reformation will be as complete as was Valgean’s. Perhaps it might be well to state that the bible was taken by mistake. • * * “I see they are predicting a cold winter,” said the Remington man with the summer suit, “put I’m not worrying about it. In fact, I’m hoping for an early winter and something below zero right along. You see, I went up to Wheatfleld during the farmers’institute and got sl chill and was never so cold in my life. I walked into a saloon and asked for a Scotch, but after looking at me for a minute the bartender said: “Hot Scotoh be hanged 1 What you want is four fingers ot regular old burning lava, with two red peppers, a dash of horseradish and a spoonful of tobasco sauce’. ‘“He prepared It, *nd I drank it, and do you know I have worn an alpaca suit ever since, and had to sleep with my feet to a chunk of ice to even get up a decent shiver.”