Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 22, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 7 November 1901 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

» Discusses j Sundry i and j Other b Matters.

You often hear men saying when they go to explain a proposition to you, “I’ll just tell you for why.” Now what does “I’ll tell you for why” mean ? V An old miser near Remington had a boy whom he let out for another family toraise and all it cost the old miser was a nickel, and that was one time when the son went to visit his father, who, in a fit of generosity, gave.the boy five cents. * ,» it It happened in Fendig’s drug store. Jack had told a joke and in laughing at it one of the boys swallowed his false tooth. When he recovered his breath he said he could not taste any difference between it and a natural tooth. And then they all laughed. * * ■ During one of the recent dances at a hall in Rensselaer one of the lady dancers lost her garter. It came off during a dance and being to modest too claim her property it has not yet found a owner. The manager hung it up in the hall and it is said to be hanging there yet, as nobody claims it. i# t* ■ * Here is a new one. One of our friends was trying to describe the condition of a man who was slightly jagged. He wasn’t half drunk nor altogether beyond help. He said he was just about drunk enough so that “I would have given him about $2 for his start if I had been wanting to go on a spree.” Isn’t that pungent and explicit ? * * • A couple of good old church mem bers had got in the habit of regularly taking a Sunday nap at church during the preaching services. The preacher got tired of it, so one Sunday he asked that the members all keep awake and he would preach a short sermon. Each member thought he meant him or her, so nobody has slept in that church since. * * *

This happened out on—-.veil we will not say what street. A man who had not been married so very long went away from home one day, and when he got back he discovered his wife sitting on the back porch and on another man’s lap. The husband end afterwards that he took his wife into the parlor and gave her a good talking to. It is to be hoped that he did not say anything for which lie might some day be sorry. • * * £- This is a true story. It came down the Union township, Jasper county pike, and it is so true i hat it is sad to hear. A lady near Aix was preparing to do some baking and upon opening the oven, she was c mfronted by the remains of two pet kittens, roasted quite to a finish. They had evidently crept into the oven to sleep and had the door closed upon them. The conscience stricken housekeeper has mourned her pets as completely lost, for evidently, the kittens had died the ninth time before the oven was inspected. It is needless to say that the crematory was thoroughly aired before the baking proceeded. * *

Coming from Chicago the other day, we met a man on the train who was just returning from England, and he was so deucedly English, don’t you know, that he affected all sorts of little oddities. But the only word he had got hold of that suited him real well was “Bloomin.’” Everything he spoke about was “bloomin' ” It was “bloomin’ ” hot, and it was “bloomin’” cold. The “bloomin’ ” door would not stay shut, and the “bloomin’ ” conductor wanted his ticket. He claimed he had been in England completing is education. We told him it deemed to us that he did not stay long enough. Wo laughed heartily at this sally of wit. Of course, we did not say it so he heard, it. It wquld have been a “bloomin’ ” shame to insult him, besides he was a big, husky boy. We made that sarcastic remark a.ter he had got off the train, V _ \