Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 11, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 22 August 1901 — IN A FACETIOUS VEIN [ARTICLE+ILLUSTRATION]

IN A FACETIOUS VEIN

Sue—“ But why do you want to put my picture in your watch?” Tom—“ Because you are a jewel.”—Philadelphia Record. Judge—“ Have you formed any opinion on this case?” Wouldbeigh Juror—“No, sir; I haven’t mentioned it to my wife.”—Smart Set. “I would not live alway,” The poet sadly wrote. He went to row that day, And some one rocked the boat. » —Philadelphia Record. She—“lf I had known what a fool you were I never should have married you.” He—“ You might have guessed it when I proposed to you.”—Philadelphia Record. Borem—“Scribbler, they tell me, is now quite a literary light. I must call on him.” Wigwag—“ Even a literary light may be out when you call.”— Philadelphia Record. “What is a fort?” asked a teacher. “A place to put men in," was the answer. “What is a fortress, then?” The answer was prom]it: “A place to put women in.”—Tit-Bits. Oh, fortune is a little ball— .)> Or so the canny golfers say. nJ Some lightly loft it over all, • And others foozle day by day. —Washington Star. She —“Don’t let my refusal of your proposal embitter you, Mr. Simpkins.” He—“No, no. After all, it is something to have been even rejected by a girl who owns a ?500 dog.”—Detroit Free Press.

General—“ Stop that reporter.” Aide —“What! Don’t you want to have him send home an account of your heroism?” “No. I don’t want to be an American hero for a week and a punching-bag for the rest of my life.” -Life. “What Is your favorite dish?” in* quired Mrs. Frontpew of the Rev. Longface, the new pastor. She felt sure it was chicken, but it proved not. “Er—the contribution plate,” answered the Rev. Longface, absently.—(Ohio State Journal. “A local schoolboy, his examiner tells me, in an exercise-letter the other day, commenced his epistle with, ‘Dear '•Tommy, we was glad to receive your welcome letter telling about the sudden death of your dear father.’ Glasgow Times. Nervous Lady Passenger (to deck hand) —“Have you ever seen any worse weather than this, Mister Sailor?" Deck Hand —“Take a word from an old salt, mum; the weather’s never very bad while there’s any females on deck a-mak-in’ henquirles about it.”—Fun. “Oh!” gasped the beautiful woman as she fell baek, clutching at her heart and permitting the telegram to flutter to the floor. Her fashionable guests rushed forward, crying: “What is it? Has your husband met with an accident?” “No—no,” she moaned; “it is from my son-in-law. I am a grandmother.”—Chicago Record-Herald. “Just remember,” said the man whe makes every one suffer when he is un comfortable, “that irritability is now said to be disease.” “And also remember,” said the man addressed, as he reached for a club, “that some diseases require heroic treatment.” Thus it happened that the value of the mind cure was demonstrated and the disease’ did not develop.—Chicago Post.