Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 9, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 8 August 1901 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

I Discusses 1 Sundry \ and j Other I Mat,erß

Last Saturday evening, a man was going to his home in part of town. He was using both sides of the sidewalk, and occasionally would find a place where the walk was so narrow he would have to use part of the street. His arms were filled with bundles and he was pretty well filled with tug juice. A lady, seeing him coming stepped into the yard to give him room to pass. The fellow apprec ated the kindness, and as he passed, in an attempt to be civil, he said, “I hie—got a pretty heavy load.” “Yes, I think you have” replied the lady. . « « • A bookseller in Ft. Wayne advertised for a porter. A big muscular Irishman walked into the shop and glanced around. Finally his eye rested on a big sign over a table filled with books; “Dickens’ works all this week for $4.” The Irishman read it thoroughly, and then edged toward the door. The proprietor asked pleasantly if there was anything he wanted; and thea pplicant remarked with a backward glance toward the the sign. “Oi come in t’ git the job, but Oi’ll not care Pr it. Dickens kin worruk all the week for $4 if he wants to. Oi’ll not. Ye’d better kape him.” And the visitor strode vigorously out. * * When a wife says that her husband does more work than any one else at the place he iseniployed, saltitdown Such stories are very silly and are only told early in married life when the wife thinks it a part of her duty to “root” for her husband. * « A man at Judy & Wood’s the other day was told about a “fifth wheel” in a wagon and he did not believe it had a fifth wheel and probably does not believe it yet. He tnought a fifth wheel was like a “quad splitter” or a “lead tempering” machine in a printing office. The other day we heard one side of a neighborhood quarrel. We got very mad about it and wanted to lick, the aggressor. The next day we heard the other side and then we wanted to lick the other fellow. We can’t lick both, and as both need it, according to the story each tells of the other, we are at loss to know what to do about it. * » What a pity it is that girls are not naturally inclined to work as hard to get a $25 situation as they work to capture a $5 man. * ♦ One of our neighbors who has a tgste for the asthetic made up his mind last spring to raise some flowers. He bought a big sewer tile and set it on end in the yard. He planted some beautiful nasturtiums in it and carried enough water to water a whole menag erie of elephants. The other day when the flowers should have been most beautifully in bloom, he was pleased to find that the only living thing in the tile was a bunch of wire grass and three red ants. And there is no telling when either will bloom. < * ♦ Out on Elm street a few mornings ago early risers were treated to an amusing sight. It happened on one of the recent hot nights. Shortly after retiring the mistress of the house was awakened by a threatened storm. Only half awake she got up to shut the windows and doors. The last door she came to was the front one. A cot was on the veranda, which caught her eye, and being so sleepy she dropped down on the cot and went to sleep, thinking it was her bed upstairs. It failed to rain and she slept soundly until six o’clock the next morning. Awakening with a start she took in the situation at a glance, and the.way she darted into the house one would have thought she had seen a mouse. *•* The following “don’ts” were handed us by one of the local barbers for publication. We ' don’t know whether Arthur is the originator of them or not but he is a pretty “smooth cuss” nevertheless. “Don’t throw hot air into the artist by telling him he is the best barber in town. He will not give you any

more attention but will give you the worst razor he has. Don’t think the barber must have his tools sharp all the time. There are times when he cannot do justice to his work. The barber is living and gets sick like any other person. Don’t come in with a month’s beard on and get shaved and then ask the barber to trim the hair away from the ears and shave your neck and only hand him the price of a shave. Maybe the barbers smoke. Don’t talk about the barber that shaved you last when you know that you owe him a barber bill. Treat all barbers alike. Don’t ask for tonic and bay rum and then kick if you get charged for it. It cost the barber money and he expects to make something on it. He does not run his business for love. Don’t try to read the newspapers In the chair while you are getting waited on; the barber is not a contortionist. Don’t fail to keep these don’ts in your mind while you are in the hands of the barber.