Rensselaer Journal, Volume 11, Number 5, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 11 July 1901 — Our Man About Town. [ARTICLE]

Our Man About Town.

B Discusses 1 Sundry I and Other Matters.

The young lady that asked to see the cow that gave the butter milk is a twin ‘to the one from this city, recently returned from college, while gazing at a hen with a large brood of chickens suddently exclaimed: “I did not think one hen could give milk enouhg for so many little ones. What do you feed her on grandma.

A girl committed suicide at Fort Wayne the other day because she was not good looking. Foolish girl, why didn’t she move to Remington where there are otherf!! ,,^B^,

There is nothing prettier than a girl witli a white dress on, if the dress is clean, but when the dress gets soiled and she continues to wear it, it is only the men’s gallantry that keeps them from shrieking. * «

“Remember who you are talking to, young man,” said an indignant North Main street man to an unruly son. “I’ll have you know that I’m your father.” “Well,” replied the incorrigible, “you needn’t throw it up to me. I can’t help it.” * *

All the chairs in the barber shop were occupied, and there was a long waiting list. “It’s always this way as soon as hot weather sets in” remarked Stewart to the man in his chair. “Hot weather is a great thing for our business. Lots of customers whose beards are not heavy only get shaved every other day when the weather is cool, but. as soon as the perspiriDg days come they feel that they need a shave every day. You know it’s an uncomfortable feeling in hot weather not to have a clean shaven face, to say nothing of a man’s looks. I believe, too that beards grow faster in hot weather than at other times. The perspiration opens the pores of the sk<n, and if a man has naturally a heavy beard the hairs come out in a suprisingly short time after he has been shaved. Why shouldn’t this be so ? Everything does grow faster in hot weather and why shouldn’t whiskers ? At any rate it keeps us on the jump. There you are sir. Next.”

“We’ve got poets in this town,” said Bennie, the druggist, to one of his customers.” “Why?” “Hired girl from some place came •in here this morning and asked for some ‘glory of rhyme,.” “What did you give her ?” “A chance to go back and find out what she wanted.” “And what was it ?” “Chloride of lime.” * ■* * A copy of rules and regulations has fallen into our bands, from which we judge that the RensVelaer blacksmiths have organized a union. They are as follows: “Four new shooze one dollar. Half solen two shoes thurty cents. Half solen four shooze 50 cents. No work did fur deci-beats that haint ded yit. Every customer must chase the flies off his own horse, mare or jackass. Ten cents extra for workin on kickin horses. Positively no cussin by the customers, and no corkin if the corks don’t suit. Positively no work did fur goats.” V •*

A woman was fixing up some clothes for her little boy to wear to a kid entertainment of some sort. The washerwoman who washed the clothes allowed the waist that belonged to his suit to become all faded till it jooked like a last year’s bird’s nest. It would not have been so bad it the waist and pants had faded alike, but they did not. So there was nothing to do but to hang the trousers in the sun and let them fade like the rest of the suit. She did so and now his suit is all matched up again. V

A man in this town wanted to send away five cents for some article he had bought, so he weiTt to the express office and bought a money order for a nickle and paid a nickle for it. When asked why he didn’t send stamps or five cents In money, he said be wanted to be sure that it went to the right place.

Leave your order with C. Hansen for a new wagon or buggy. It will be manufactured to your order from the best material and at a reasonable price. All hand work.